"And from him I've come straight to you," said Alyosha, in conclusion, looking intently into Ivan's face.He had not taken his eyes off him while he told his story, as though struck by something in his expression.
"Brother," he cried suddenly, "you must be terribly ill.You look and don't seem to understand what I tell you.""It's a good thing you came," said Ivan, as though brooding, and not hearing Alyosha's exclamation."I knew he had hanged himself.""From whom?"
"I don't know.But I knew.Did I know? Yes, he told me.He told me so just now."Ivan stood in the middle of the room, and still spoke in the same brooding tone, looking at the ground.
"Who is he?" asked Alyosha, involuntarily looking round.
"He's slipped away."
Ivan raised his head and smiled softly.
"He was afraid of you, of a dove like you.You are a 'pure cherub.' Dmitri calls you a cherub.Cherub!...the thunderous rapture of the seraphim.What are seraphim? Perhaps a whole constellation.But perhaps that constellation is only a chemical molecule.There's a constellation of the Lion and the Sun.Don't you know it?""Brother, sit down," said Alyosha in alarm."For goodness' sake, sit down on the sofa! You are delirious; put your head on the pillow, that's right.Would you like a wet towel on your head? Perhaps it will do you good.""Give me the towel: it's here on the chair.I just threw it down there.""It's not here.Don't worry yourself.I know where it is- here,"said Alyosha, finding a clean towel, folded up and unused, by Ivan's dressing-table in the other corner of the room.Ivan looked strangely at the towel: recollection seemed to come back to him for an instant.
"Stay"- he got up from the sofa- "an hour ago I took that new towel from there and wetted it.I wrapped it round my head and threw it down here...How is it it's dry? There was no other.""You put that towel on your head?" asked Alyosha.
"Yes, and walked up and down the room an hour ago...Why have the candles burnt down so? What's the time?""Nearly twelve"
"No, no, no!" Ivan cried suddenly."It was not a dream.He was here; he was sitting here, on that sofa.When you knocked at the window, I threw a glass at him...this one.Wait a minute.I was asleep last time, but this dream was not a dream.It has happened before.I have dreams now, Alyosha...yet they are not dreams, but reality.I walk about, talk and see...though I am asleep.But he was sitting here, on that sofa there....He is frightfully stupid, Alyosha, frightfully stupid." Ivan laughed suddenly and began pacing about the room.
"Who is stupid? Of whom are you talking, brother?" Alyosha asked anxiously again.
"The devil! He's taken to visiting me.He's been here twice, almost three times.He taunted me with being angry at his being a simple devil and not Satan, with scorched wings, in thunder and lightning.But he is not Satan: that's a lie.He is an impostor.He is simply a devil- a paltry, trivial devil.He goes to the baths.If you undressed him, you'd be sure to find he had a tail, long and smooth like a Danish dog's, a yard long, dun colour....Alyosha, you are cold.You've been in the snow.Would you like some tea? What? Is it cold? Shall I tell her to bring some? C'est a ne pas mettre un chien dehors..."Alyosha ran to the washing-stand, wetted the towel, persuaded Ivan to sit down again, and put the wet towel round his head.He sat down beside him.
"What were you telling me just now about Lise?" Ivan began again.(He was becoming very talkative.) "I like Lise.I said something nasty about her.It was a lie.I like her...I am afraid for Katya to-morrow.I am more afraid of her than of anything.On account of the future.She will cast me off to-morrow and trample me under foot.She thinks that I am ruining Mitya from jealousy on her account! Yes, she thinks that! But it's not so.To-morrow the cross, but not the gallows.No, I shan't hang myself.Do you know, I can never commit suicide, Alyosha.Is it because I am base? I am not a coward.Is it from love of life? How did I know that Smerdyakov had hanged himself? Yes, it was he told me so.""And you are quite convinced that there has been someone here?"asked Alyosha.
"Yes, on that sofa in the corner.You would have driven him away.You did drive him away: he disappeared when you arrived.Ilove your face, Alyosha.Did you know that I loved your face? And he is myself, Alyosha.All that's base in me, all that's mean and contemptible.Yes, I am a romantic.He guessed it...though it's a libel.He is frightfully stupid; but it's to his advantage.He has cunning, animal cunning- he knew how to infuriate me.He kept taunting me with believing in him, and that was how he made me listen to him.
He fooled me like a boy.He told me a great deal that was true about myself, though.I should never have owned it to myself.Do you know, Alyosha," Ivan added in an intensely earnest and confidential tone, "Ishould be awfully glad to think that it was he and not I.""He has worn you out," said Alyosha, looking compassionately at his brother.
"He's been teasing me.And you know he does it so cleverly, so cleverly.'Conscience! What is conscience? I make it up for myself.
