'If God wills,'I answered,very lugubriously I confess,for pale looks in one commonly so fearless could not but depress me.'But if not,I shall escape.Any way,my friend,'I continued,'I owe you a quittance.Simon Fleix has an inkhorn and paper.Bid him bring them to this stone and leave them,and I will write that Maignan,the equerry of the Baron de Rosny,served me to the end as a brave soldier and an honest friend.'What,MON AMI?'Icontinued,for I saw that he was overcome by this,which was,indeed,a happy thought of mine.'Why not?It is true,and will acquit you with the Baron.Do it,and go.Advise M.d'Agen,and be to him what you have been to me.'
He swore two or three great oaths,such as men of his kind use to hide an excess of feeling,and after some further remonstrance went away to carry out my orders;leaving me to stand on the brow in a strange kind of solitude,and watch horses and men withdraw to the wood,until the whole valley seemed left to me and stillness and the grey evening.For a time I stood in thought.
Then reminding myself,for a fillip to my spirits,that I had been far more alone when I walked the streets of St.Jean friendless and threadbare (than I was now),I turned,and swinging my scabbard against my boots for company,stumbled through the dark,silent courtyard,and mounted as cheerfully as I could to madame's room.
To detail all that passed during the next five days would be tedious and in indifferent taste,seeing that I am writing this memoir for the perusal of men of honour;for though I consider the offices which the whole can perform for the sick to be worthy of the attention of every man,however well born,who proposes to see service,they seem to be more honourable in the doing than the telling.One episode,however,which marked those days filled me then,as it does now,with the most lively pleasure;and that was the unexpected devotion displayed by Simon Fleix,who,coming to me,refused to leave,and showed himself at this pinch to be possessed of such sterling qualities that I freely forgave him the deceit he had formerly practised on me.The fits of moody silence into which he still fell at times and an occasional irascibility seemed to show that he had not altogether conquered his insane fancy;but the mere fact that;he had come to me in a situation of hazard,and voluntarily removed himself from mademoiselle's neighbourhood,gave me good hope for the future.
M.de Bruhl died early on the morning of the second day,and Simon and I buried him at noon.He was a man of courage and address,lacking only principles.In spite of madame's grief and prostration,which were as great as though she had lost the best husband in the world,we removed before night to a separate camp in the woods;and left with the utmost relief the grey ruin on the hill,in which,it seemed to me,we had lived an age.In our new bivouac,where,game being abundant,and the weather warm,we lacked no comfort,except the society of our friends,we remained four days longer.On the fifth morning we met the others of our company by appointment on the north road,and commenced the return journey.
Thankful that we had escaped contagion,we nevertheless still proposed to observe for a time such precautions in regard to the others as seemed necessary;riding in the rear and having no communication with them,though they showed by signs the pleasure they felt at seeing us.From the frequency with which mademoiselle turned and looked behind her,I judged she had overcome her pique at my strange conduct;which the others should by this time have explained to her.Content,therefore,with the present,and full of confidence in the future,I rode along in a rare state of satisfaction;at one moment planning what I would do,and at another reviewing what I had done.
The brightness and softness of the day,and the beauty of the woods,which in some places,I remember,were bursting into leaf,contributed much to establish me in this frame of mind.The hateful mist,which had so greatly depressed us,had disappeared;leaving the face of the country visible in all the brilliance of early spring.The men who rode before us,cheered by the happy omen,laughed and talked as they rode,or tried the paces of their horses,where the trees grew sparsely;and their jests and laughter coming pleasantly to our ears as we followed,warmed even madame's sad face to a semblance of happiness.
I was riding along in this state of contentment when a feeling of fatigue,which the distance we had come did not seem to justify,led me to spur the Cid into a brisker pace.The sensation of lassitude still continued,however,and indeed grew worse;so that I wondered idly whether I had over-eaten myself at my last meal.Then the thing passed for awhile from my mind,which the descent of a steep hill sufficiently occupied.
But a few minutes later,happening to turn in the saddle,Iexperienced a strange and sudden dizziness;so excessive as to force me to grasp the cantle,and cling to it,while trees and hills appeared to dance round me.A quick,hot pain in the side followed,almost before I recovered the power of thought;and this increased so rapidly,and was from the first so definite,that,with a dreadful apprehension already formed in my mind,Ithrust my hand inside my clothes,and found that swelling which is the most sure and deadly symptom of the plague.
The horror of that moment--in which I saw all those things on the possession of which I had just been congratulating myself,pass hopelessly from me,leaving me in dreadful gloom--I will not attempt to describe in this place.Let it suffice that the world lost in a moment its joyousness,the sunshine its warmth.The greenness and beauty round me,which an instant before had filled me with pleasure,seemed on a sudden no more than a grim and cruel jest at my expense,and I an atom perishing unmarked and unnoticed.Yes,an atom,a mote;the bitterness of that feeling I well remember.Then,in no long time--being a soldier--Irecovered my coolness,and,retaining the power to think,decided what it behoved me to do.
