登陆注册
5560700000087

第87章

Besides, he still felt shaky, and did not want to risk another aberration like that of last night, away from home. Holly, too, was expecting him, and what he had in his bag for her. Not that there was any cupboard love in his little sweet--she was a bundle of affection. Then, with the rather bitter cynicism of the old, he wondered for a second whether it was not cupboard love which made Irene put up with him. No, she was not that sort either. She had, if anything, too little notion of how to butter her bread, no sense of property, poor thing! Besides, he had not breathed a word about that codicil, nor should he--sufficient unto the day was the good thereof.

In the victoria which met him at the station Holly was restraining the dog Balthasar, and their caresses made 'jubey' his drive home.

All the rest of that fine hot day and most of the next he was content and peaceful, reposing in the shade, while the long lingering sunshine showered gold on the lawns and the flowers. But on Thursday evening at his lonely dinner he began to count the hours; sixty-five till he would go down to meet her again in the little coppice, and walk up through the fields at her side. He had intended to consult the doctor about his fainting fit, but the fellow would be sure to insist on quiet, no excitement and all that; and he did not mean to be tied by the leg, did not want to be told of an infirmity--if there were one, could not afford to hear of it at his time of life, now that this new interest had come. And he carefully avoided making any mention of it in a letter to his son. It would only bring them back with a run! How far this silence was due to consideration for their pleasure, how far to regard for his own, he did not pause to consider.

That night in his study he had just finished his cigar and was dozing off, when he heard the rustle of a gown, and was conscious of a scent of violets. Opening his eyes he saw her, dressed in grey, standing by the fireplace, holding out her arms. The odd thing was that, though those arms seemed to hold nothing, they were curved as if round someone's neck, and her own neck was bent back, her lips open, her eyes closed. She vanished at once, and there were the mantelpiece and his bronzes. But those bronzes and the mantelpiece had not been there when she was, only the fireplace and the wall!

Shaken and troubled, he got up. 'I must take medicine,' he thought;'I can't be well.' His heart beat too fast, he had an asthmatic feeling in the chest; and going to the window, he opened it to get some air. A dog was barking far away, one of the dogs at Gage's farm no doubt, beyond the coppice. A beautiful still night, but dark. 'Idropped off,' he mused, 'that's it! And yet I'll swear my eyes were open!' A sound like a sigh seemed to answer.

"What's that?" he said sharply, "who's there?"Putting his hand to his side to still the beating of his heart, he stepped out on the terrace. Something soft scurried by in the dark.

"Shoo!" It was that great grey cat. 'Young Bosinney was like a great cat!' he thought. 'It was him in there, that she--that she was--He's got her still!' He walked to the edge of the terrace, and looked down into the darkness; he could just see the powdering of the daisies on the unmown lawn. Here to-day and gone to-morrow! And there came the moon, who saw all, young and old, alive and dead, and didn't care a dump! His own turn soon. For a single day of youth he would give what was left! And he turned again towards the house. He could see the windows of the night nursery up there. His little sweet would be asleep. 'Hope that dog won't wake her!' he thought.

'What is it makes us love, and makes us die! I must go to bed.'

And across the terrace stones, growing grey in the moonlight, he passed back within.

How should an old man live his days if not in dreaming of his well-spent past? In that, at all events, there is no agitating warmth, only pale winter sunshine. The shell can withstand the gentle beating of the dynamos of memory. The present he should distrust; the future shun. From beneath thick shade he should watch the sunlight creeping at his toes. If there be sun of summer, let him not go out into it, mistaking it for the Indian-summer sun! Thus peradventure he shall decline softly, slowly, imperceptibly, until impatient Nature clutches his wind-pipe and he gasps away to death some early morning before the world is aired, and they put on his tombstone: 'In the fulness of years!' yea! If he preserve his principles in perfect order, a Forsyte may live on long after he is dead.

Old Jolyon was conscious of all this, and yet there was in him that which transcended Forsyteism. For it is written that a Forsyte shall not love beauty more than reason; nor his own way more than his own health. And something beat within him in these days that with each throb fretted at the thinning shell. His sagacity knew this, but it knew too that he could not stop that beating, nor would if he could.

And yet, if you had told him he was living on his capital, he would have stared you down. No, no; a man did not live on his capital; it was not done! The shibboleths of the past are ever more real than the actualities of the present. And he, to whom living on one's capital had always been anathema, could not have borne to have applied so gross a phrase to his own case. Pleasure is healthful;beauty good to see; to live again in the youth of the young--and what else on earth was he doing!

Methodically, as had been the way of his whole life, he now arranged his time. On Tuesdays he journeyed up to town by train; Irene came and dined with him. And they went to the opera. On Thursdays he drove to town, and, putting that fat chap and his horses up, met her in Kensington Gardens, picking up the carriage after he had left her, and driving home again in time for dinner. He threw out the casual formula that he had business in London on those two days. On Wednesdays and Saturdays she came down to give Holly music lessons.

同类推荐
  • 悔过自新说

    悔过自新说

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 词品

    词品

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 菩萨处胎经

    菩萨处胎经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • The Count of Monte Cristo

    The Count of Monte Cristo

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 石点头

    石点头

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 国家兴衰的传播动力机制研究

    国家兴衰的传播动力机制研究

    《国家兴衰的传播动力机制研究》是一部探究媒介、传播与国家命运关系的学术专著。以“传播何以改变国家命运”为研究命题,通过概念界定、理论推演、模型建构、案例分析来揭示国家兴衰中的传播奥秘,启发中国和平崛起的传播战略。在复杂系统理论的逻辑框架下,采用多学科交叉研究方法,深入分析典型历史事件、历史现象背后的诸多传播问题,清晰呈现媒介传播在历史兴衰中的动力机制,丰富发展了媒介理论,展示了传播思想的学术魅力。引证材料翔实,理论思考严密,宏大叙述鞭辟入里,精微分析智趣横生。
  • 目的性修炼:人生要做的第1件事

    目的性修炼:人生要做的第1件事

    任何事物的发展都不是笔直的。一个目的性强的人能够看出其中的直中之曲和典中之直,并不失时机地把握事物迂回发展的规律,迂回应变,从而达成既定目的。如果你曾对生活中的种种纷扰不知所措,看不清未来的方向;或者做事不知从何下手,办事效率迟迟提不上去,不妨阅读本书,它会给你一个满意的答案。
  • Doctor Marigold 马里歌德医生(英文版)
  • 剑圣盖聂

    剑圣盖聂

    战国七雄之韩国被秦灭后,地处山东六国的武林人发起合纵抗秦,修建了六国之境,中途却因内部争斗,合纵计划屡遭破坏......“剑圣”盖聂得到了“剑神”聂政遗留下的天下第一剑谱“广陵散”,内藏克制八大派的招式,于是,掀起了战国时剑术界的血雨腥风。秦王嬴政为了统一霸业,布下天罗地网缉拿盖聂,一心想得到广陵散,秦国扫清威胁。杀人如麻的秦夫人为了寻找广陵散,更是千方百计地收拢盖聂,不惜使用各种阴毒的手段,逼迫盖聂走入绝境......在经历了一次次的奇遇和磨难之后,盖聂亲眼目睹了战争给各国百姓带来的痛苦和灾难,在追逐剑道和救济天下之间,最后做出了自己的选择。
  • 悟真集

    悟真集

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 一分钟经理人:时间管理

    一分钟经理人:时间管理

    《一分钟经理人》系列丛书言简意赅但是意义深远,它综合了现实生活中管理方面的成功经验,方法简单而行之有效。用故事的形式来阐释管理学,来解答困惑,并且提出 了一些管理方式,具有普遍的意义;本书中所提出的问题是日常性的,也许我们每天都会遇到,而提出的解答方式和观点也是常识性的,但往往也是最容易被我们所忽略的。知识和经验是十分宝贵的。前人有过的错误,可以不必再犯;前人成功的案例,则可以作为参考。我们编译本书希望它启迪人们的智慧,提高人们驾驭生活和工作的能力。
  • 雪球专刊第013期:玩转余额宝

    雪球专刊第013期:玩转余额宝

    余额宝本质上是货币基金的一个销售渠道,而支付宝是有基金销售牌照的,所以它做余额宝是合法的,没有任何违法的地方,但它的宣传中存在不合规的地方,即一开始的时候,没有按法律规定说明基金有风险(虽然我认为货币基金的风险提醒其实并没有意义)。
  • 月儿半边圆

    月儿半边圆

    青青与顾强出外打工,把妈妈从小为她定下的娃娃亲晾在了一边,后来顾强家遭遇不测,他要回家看看,约定快去快回,却久去不返,从此,女孩的爱情悲剧重重,一波三折,同时,创业的困苦和艰辛,让青青身心疲惫,多次,似在绝境求生,看不到方向和希望。儿时妈妈定下的娃娃亲鲁东海千里寻来,给故事增添更多悲剧的色彩。青青与顾强,俩人曾相约一起看满月,直到最后,也未能实现这小小的愿望,每次约会,天上只有半边月圆。
  • 人在江湖

    人在江湖

    第二天进了办公室,郝春生见秦晴憔悴的样子,真恨不得替她去杀了那个男人。“你为什么不离婚?”“是我自己选择的,我当初的做法对他也不公平。到了这份上,我也有责任。”那是郝春生跟了秦晴七年第一次见她流眼泪,可他却没有一点安慰她的办法。
  • Elvissey

    Elvissey

    At once a biting satire and a taut, fast-paced thriller, Elvissey is the story of Isabel and John, a troubled couple who voyage from the year 2033 to a strangely altered 1954. They are on a desperate mission to kidnap the young Elvis Presley and bring him back to the present day to serve as a ready-made cult leader. He proves, however, to be a reluctant messiah, and things do not work out quite as planned.