But she could not accuse him now,could not rage at him,demand fidelity or try to shame him,any more than she could bring herself to apologize for accusing him of Bonnie's death.She was clutched by a bewildered apathy,an unhappiness that she could not understand,an unhappiness that went deeper than anything she had ever known.She was lonely and she could never remember being so lonely before.Perhaps she had never had the time to be very lonely until now.She was lonely and afraid and there was no one to whom she could turn,no one except Melanie.For now,even Mammy,her mainstay,had gone back to Tara.Gone permanently.
Mammy gave no explanation for her departure.Her tired old eyes looked sadly at Scarlett when she asked for the train fare home.To Scarlett's tears and pleading that she stay,Mammy only answered:“Look ter me lak Miss Ellen say ter me:‘Mammy,come home.Yo'wuk done finish.'So Ah's gwine home.”
Rhett,who had listened to the talk,gave Mammy the money and patted her arm.
“You're right,Mammy.Miss Ellen is right.Your work here is done.Go home.Let me know if you ever need anything.”And as Scarlett broke into renewed indignant commands:“Hush,you fool!Let her go!Why should anyone want to stay in this house—now?”
There was such a savage bright glitter in his eyes when he spoke that Scarlett shrank from him,frightened.
“Dr.Meade,do you think he can—can have lost his mind?”she questioned afterwards,driven to the doctor by her own sense of helplessness.
“No,”said the doctor,“but he's drinking like a fish and will kill himself if he keeps it up.He loved the child,Scarlett,and I guess he drinks to forget about her.No,my advice to you,Miss,is to give him another baby just as quickly as you can.”
“Hah!”thought Scarlett bitterly,as she left his office.That was easier said than done.She would gladly have another child,several children,if they would take that look out of Rhett's eyes and fill up the aching spaces in her own heart.A boy who had Rhett's dark handsomeness and another little girl.Oh,for another girl,pretty and gay and willful and full of laughter,not like the giddy-brained Ella.Why,oh,why couldn't God have taken Ella if He had to take one of her children?Ella was no comfort to her,now that Bonnie was gone.But Rhett did not seem to want any other children.At least he never came to her bedroom,though now the door was never locked and usually invitingly ajar.He did not seem to care.He did not seem to care for anything now except whisky and that blowzy red-haired woman.
He was bitter now,where he had been pleasantly jeering,brutal where his thrusts had once been tempered with humor.After Bonnie died,many of the good ladies of the neighborhood who had been won over to him by his charming manners with his daughter were anxious to show him kindness.They stopped him on the street to give him their sympathy and spoke to him from over their hedges,saying that they understood.But now that Bonnie,the reason for his good manners,was gone the manners went too.He cut the ladies and their well-meant condolences off shortly,rudely.
But,oddly enough,the ladies were not offended.They understood,or thought they understood.When he rode home in the twilight almost too drunk to stay in the saddle,scowling at those who spoke to him,the ladies said “Poor thing!”and redoubled their efforts to be kind and gentle.They felt very sorry for him,broken hearted and riding home to no better comfort than Scarlett.
Everybody knew how cold and heartless she was.Everybody was appalled at the seeming ease with which she had recovered from Bonnie's death,never realizing or caring to realize the effort that lay behind that seeming recovery.Scarlett had the town's dislike and,for once,she would have welcomed the sympathy of old friends.
Now,none of her old friends came to the house,except Aunt Pitty,Melanie and Ashley.Only the new friends came calling in their shining carriages,anxious to tell her of their sympathy,eager to divert her with gossip about other new friends in whom she was not at all interested.All these “new people,”strangers,every one!They didn't know her.They would never know her.They had no realization of what her life had been before she reached her present safe eminence in her mansion on Peachtree Street.They didn't care to talk about what their lives had been before they attained stiff brocades and victorias with fine teams of horses.They didn't know of her struggles,her privations,all the things that made this great house and pretty clothes and silver and receptions worth having.They didn't know.They didn't care,these people from God-knows-where who seemed to live always on the surface of things,who had no common memories of war and hunger and fighting,who had no common roots going down into the same red earth.
Now in her loneliness,she would have liked to while away the afternoons with Maybelle or Fanny or Mrs.Elsing or Mrs.Whiting or even that redoubtable old warrior,Mrs.Merriwether.Or Mrs.Bonnell or—or any of her old friends and neighbors.For they knew.They had known war and terror and fire,had seen dear ones dead before their time;they had hungered and been ragged,had lived with the wolf at the door.And they had rebuilt fortune from ruin.
It would be a comfort to sit with Maybelle,remembering that Maybelle had buried a baby,dead in the mad flight before Sherman.There would be solace in Fanny's presence,knowing that she and Fanny both had lost husbands in the black days of martial law.It would be grim fun to laugh with Mrs.Elsing,recalling the old lady's face as she flogged her horse through Five Points the day Atlanta fell,her loot from the commissary jouncing from her carriage.It would be pleasant to match stories with Mrs.Merriwether,now secure on the proceeds of her bakery,pleasant to say:“Do you remember how bad things were right after the surrender?Do you remember when we didn't know where our next pair of shoes was coming from?And look at us now!”
