He winced and she knew she had said the wrong thing.He turned and looked out of the window again.
“I don't want allowances made for me.I want to stand on my own feet for what I'm worth.What have I done with my life,up till now?It's time I made something of myself—or went down through my own fault.I've been your pensioner too long already.”
“But I'm offering you a half-interest in the mill,Ashley!You would be standing on your own feet because—you see,it would be your own business.”
“It would amount to the same thing.I'd not be buying the half-interest.I'd be taking it as a gift.And I've taken too many gifts from you already,Scarlett—food and shelter and even clothes for myself and Melanie and the baby.And I've given you nothing in return.”
“Oh,but you have!Will couldn't have—”
“I can split kindling very nicely now.”
“Oh,Ashley!”she cried despairingly,tears in her eyes at the jeering note in his voice.“What has happened to you since I've been gone?You sound so hard and bitter!You didn't used to be this way.”
“What's happened?A very remarkable thing,Scarlett.I've been thinking.I don't believe I really thought from the time of the surrender until you went away from here.I was in a state of suspended animation and it was enough that I had something to eat and a bed to lie on.But when you went to Atlanta,shouldering a man's burden,I saw myself as much less than a man—much less,indeed,than a woman.Such thoughts aren't pleasant to live with and I do not intend to live with them any longer.Other men came out of the war with less than I had,and look at them now.So I'm going to New York.”
“But—I don't understand!If it's work you want,why won't Atlanta do as well as New York?And my mill—”
“No,Scarlett.This is my last chance.I'll go North.If I go to Atlanta and work for you,I'm lost forever.”
The word “lost—lost—lost”dinged frighteningly in her heart like a death bell sounding.Her eyes went quickly to his but they were wide and crystal gray and they were looking through her and beyond her at some fate she could not see,could not understand.
“Lost?Do you mean—have you done something the Atlanta Yankees can get you for?I mean,about helping Tony get away or—or—Oh,Ashley,you aren't in the Ku Klux,are you?”
His remote eyes came back to her swiftly and he smiled a brief smile that never reached his eyes.
“I had forgotten you were so literal.No,it's not the Yankees I'm afraid of.I mean if I go to Atlanta and take help from you again,I bury forever any hope of ever standing alone.”
“Oh,”she sighed in quick relief,“if it's only that!”
“Yes,”and he smiled again,the smile more wintry than before.“Only that.Only my masculine pride,my self-respect and,if you choose to so call it,my immortal soul.”
“But,”she swung around on another tack,“you could gradually buy the mill from me and it would be your own and then—”
“Scarlett,”he interrupted fiercely,“I tell you,no!There are other reasons.”
“What reasons?”
“You know my reasons better than anyone in the world.”
“Oh—that?But—that'll be all right,”she assured swiftly.“I promised,you know,out in the orchard,last winter and I'll keep my promise and—”
“Then you are surer of yourself than I am.I could not count on myself to keep such a promise.I should not have said that but I had to make you understand.Scarlett,I will not talk of this any more.It's finished.When Will and Suellen marry,I am going to New York.”
His eyes,wide and stormy,met hers for an instant and then he went swiftly across the room.His hand was on the door knob.Scarlett stared at him in agony.The interview was ended and she had lost.Suddenly weak from the strain and sorrow of the last day and the present disappointment,her nerves broke abruptly and she screamed:“Oh,Ashley!”And flinging herself down on the sagging sofa,she burst into wild crying.
She heard his uncertain footsteps leaving the door and his helpless voice saying her name over and over above her head.There was a swift pattering of feet racing up the hall from the kitchen and Melanie burst into the room,her eyes wide with alarm.
“Scarlett ...the baby isn't ...?”
Scarlett burrowed her head in the dusty upholstery and screamed again.
“Ashley—he's so mean!So doggoned mean—so hateful!”
“Oh,Ashley,what have you done to her?”Melanie threw herself on the floor beside the sofa and gathered Scarlett into her arms.“What have you said?How could you!You might bring on the baby!There,my darling,put your head on Melanie's shoulder!What is wrong?”
“Ashley—he's so—so bullheaded and hateful!”
“Ashley,I'm surprised at you!Upsetting her so much and in her condition and Mr.O'Hara hardly in his grave!”
“Don't you fuss at him!”cried Scarlett illogically,raising her head abruptly from Melanie's shoulder,her coarse black hair tumbling out from its net and her face streaked with tears.“He's got a right to do as he pleases!”
“Melanie,”said Ashley,his face white,“let me explain.Scarlett was kind enough to offer me a position in Atlanta as manager of one of her mills—”
“Manager!”cried Scarlett indignantly.“I offered him a half-interest and he—”
“And I told her I had already made arrangements for us to go North and she—”
“Oh,”cried Scarlett,beginning to sob again,“I told him and told him how much I needed him—how I couldn't get anybody to manage the mill—how I was going to have this baby—and he refused to come!And now—now,I'll have to sell the mill and I know I can't get anything like a good price for it and I'll lose money and I guess maybe we'll starve,but he won't care.He's so mean!”
She burrowed her head back into Melanie's thin shoulder and some of the real anguish went from her as a flicker of hope woke in her.She could sense that in Melanie's devoted heart she had an ally,feel Melanie's indignation that anyone,even her beloved husband,should make Scarlett cry.Melanie flew at Ashley like a small determined dove and pecked him for the first time in her life.
