“Nice to meet you, sister,” he'd said.
And devoted all the rest of his evening to Jan.
“很高兴见到你，小姨子。”他说。
是夜余下的时间他都献给了简。
The memory of that teasing kiss had stayed with Fiona ever since. As they stood on the sunny lawn together, Nicola clutching her hair, she recalled the moment his lips had touched hers. He'd tasted like champagne and smelled like heaven. It had taken all her willpower not to kiss him back. She'd been both relieved and disappointed when he hadn't danced with her again.
而那枚挑逗的吻却从此镌刻在了菲奥娜的心上。当他们又一道站在阳光明媚的草坪上，妮可拉抓住她的头发时，她又回想起了那个时刻，他的唇碰触她的那个时刻。他尝起来有香槟的味道，身上的气息也令人迷醉。她竭尽全力才使自己不要回吻过去。那天晚上，他终究没有与她再舞一曲。她如释重负，又怅然若失。
Jan and Christian had departed for their honeymoon that night, so she'd not seen them for a further six months. In late December she made a short, rushed Christmas visit home to her family. But who can get into deep conversation when everyone's wearing paper hats, and the dog is being slipped slivers of turkey under the table, and old deaf aunties need to be chatted to over a huge hot dinner on a scorching southern hemisphere day?
那天晚上，简和克里斯蒂安就出发度蜜月去了。此后的六个月里，她都再没见过他们两个。她在十二月末圣诞节期间仓促地回家待了几天。不过，那时候，人人都喜气洋洋地戴着节日纸帽，家养小狗偷偷躲在桌子下面吃火鸡肉，年迈失聪的老阿姨又要在这个南半球酷暑的日子里对着热腾腾的晚宴喋喋不休，又怎么能深入地聊聊天呢？
Fiona felt she saw little enough of her sister, and Christian disappeared to go fishing or boating at every opportunity, so he was all but invisible. Each time she came home, it had been the same.
菲奥娜觉得自己很少能见到姐姐了，而克里斯蒂安则每次都借口要去钓鱼或者划船，玩起了失踪。尽管他一直在那儿，却总碰不上面。她每次回家都是这样。
Three years went by, and Nicola was expected. Fiona and Jan managed a break at their parents' beach house on the Hibiscus Coast north of Auckland a few weeks before Jan was due to give birth.
三年过去了，简怀上了妮可拉。菲奥娜和简计划趁简尚未分娩，在父母位于奥克兰北部木槿海岸的海边别墅度上几周假。
Christian had flown to Asia to meet with clients—something financial this time, not cars. Fiona was gratified to have her sister all to herself for a few days as they strolled along the sand, and lazed for hours, reading and chatting.
克里斯蒂安则去亚洲见了一些客户——这回是为了些经济问题，而非卖车。菲奥娜很高兴自己能独占姐姐几天，与她在海滩上漫步，或者懒洋洋地打发时间，看看书、说说话。
And that was the pattern of all her visits. He managed not to be there.
而那仿佛成了她回家的固定模式：他总是借故离开。
She pushed her fingers through her hair to tidy it after Nicola's attention, pulled her slightly damp T-shirt away from her too-warm back, and followed him inside to see what he'd produced for lunch. If it was anything halfway decent, she might as well admit defeat right now, and leave.
她用手指整理起了被妮可拉弄乱的头发，将自己微微发潮的T恤从热热的背部拉开了一点，跟着他进门，想看看他在午饭时又要搞出什么花样。如果有任何哪怕一丁点儿不合规矩的事情发生，她就立马认输走人。
“I've moved the Merc for you.” His eyes were down on a banana as he cut it into small sections for Nicola.
“我已经帮你把奔驰移开了。”他正在帮妮可拉把香蕉一点一点切成小块，说话时眼睛一直盯着香蕉。
Fiona murmured her thanks, relieved to find lunch was simply a collection of sliced ham, cheese, salad vegetables, and a crusty brown loaf.
菲奥娜轻声说了句谢谢，随机放松下来，发现所谓的午餐仅仅是一些火腿片、芝士、沙拉以及一条黑面包。
“I'll make you a sandwich,” she offered. She went to the fridge for mustard and mayonnaise.
“我给你做个三明治吧。”她提议道，走去冰箱取了一些芥末和美乃滋。
“Grab some wine, too.”
“再拿些酒来。”
She chose a pinot gris. Christian had two glasses ready on the table, and reached across to take the bottle from her. He opened it, poured, and set a glass beside her plate while she sliced the bread.
她选了瓶灰皮诺。克里斯蒂安已经在桌上放好了两个酒杯，他探过身来，从她手上接过酒瓶。他打开瓶子，倒酒，在她切面包时放了一杯在她身边。
“Thanks for the car. I'll be careful with it.”
“谢谢你把车借我。我会很小心的。”
He shrugged. He had so many absolute classics that one small modern sedan was apparently of no huge importance.
他耸耸肩。他拥有这么多经典款豪车，一辆小小的当代小轿车显然不值一提。
No wonder he can afford a house like this.
怪不得他能买下这么一座好房子。
“It's a brilliant view,” she said, gazing out over the sun dappled harbor to avoid his eyes. She could still feel his big hands in her hair. Warm and gentle.
“这儿看出去的景色太美了。”她说，凝视着太阳照耀下的斑驳海港，躲过了他的目光。她仍然可以感到他宽阔的手掌抚在她发丝上的触感，温暖又温柔。
And his body pressed against her. Hot and hard.
“Jan liked it.”
他的身体紧紧地贴着她。火热又硬朗。
“简很喜欢。”
She nodded, but could think of nothing more to say after that. She knew Christian had bought the spectacular house on the high Roseneath site as a surprise for his bride. Much of the surrounding land was steep and left to the wild natural vegetation of the Wellington district. Only the level areas close to the house had been cleared and laid down in lawn and paving and bright aromatic flowers.
她点点头，不知道该作何评论。她知道克里斯蒂安买下这座位于罗斯尼斯高地的豪宅是为了给自己的新娘一个惊喜。这宅子旁多数是陡峭的山坡，附近长满了惠灵顿地区特有的植物。只有靠近房子的平地上，这些植株才被清理掉，种上草坪，铺上路，栽满了芬芳的鲜花。
Inside, Jan's touches were everywhere—in the elegant shades of the furnishings that complimented the panoramic views…in the diverse and fascinating works of art she'd found in the city's myriad galleries and studios. Fiona had enjoyed visiting here last time. Because it had been Jan's home, she'd felt wonderfully comfortable.
屋子里，简的痕迹无处不在——在与外界融为一体的优雅的装潢里，在她从城中无数画廊与工作坊中搜罗来的各种迷人的艺术品里。菲奥娜很是享受上次的造访。因为上回来的时候这里还是简的家，她对此感到舒适。
But now it was Christian's, and imbued with whole new significance.
但现在，这里是克里斯蒂安的家了，一切都大不一样了。
She watched him covertly across the table as she buttered the bread. His eyes were fixed far away over the water. Black-coffee eyes—lethal eyes when they needed to be. He'd already trained his fierce ‘get out of my territory' gaze on her.
她趁往面包上涂黄油时，越过桌子偷偷瞄着他。他的目光定定地望着远处的海面，深棕色的眼睛里充满了致命的诱惑。他对她早就练就了一副“滚出我的地盘”的眼神。
“How long will you be at the beach?” she asked as she concentrated on slicing a tomato.
“你会在海滩那儿待多久？”她边切番茄边问。
“Planning on joining us?”
“你想跟我们一块儿去？”
She shook her head. “No, I'm going to be busy all afternoon.” She laid a slice of ham on the bread.
她摇了摇头：“不，我今天下午可忙了。”她接着放了一片火腿到面包上。
“Suits me.”
“你在讨好我。”
“You made that perfectly obvious earlier.”
“你今早已经把一切都表达得很清楚了。”
“Don't mess me around, Fiona.”
“别惹我，菲奥娜。”
“Me mess you around?”She bit her tongue and cast her eyes down to the table top, knowing he had a lot to cope with and that she mustn't annoy him.
“我在惹你？”她咬紧牙关，低头看向桌面。她知道他有很多需要适应的事情，而她不该再去烦他了。
“Sorry,” he said, seeming to regret his brusqueness. “I'd programmed myself to be a twosome and now I find I have to juggle you into the equation as well.”
“对不起。”他说道，看起来对自己刚才的唐突很是抱歉。“我习惯了双人生活。现在我发现得把你也纳入其中。”
“Don't,” she begged as to her mortification sudden tears threatened. She was an absolute mess of nerves. “Don't worry about me. Ignore me. I'll keep right out of your way if that's what you want. But why not let me do the cooking at least? Give Mrs Houndsworth a rest. I'd enjoy it—I get no chance on the boat.” She flicked him a quick cautious glance. “That's probably why I didn't think to use the microwave oven for the porridge this morning. I'm out of practice. I need some.”
“别这样。”她乞求似的说，感觉自己快要落下泪来。她心里乱作了一团。“别担心我。无视我就好。如果你真想这样的话，我保证不来打搅你了。但还是让我把饭给做好吧？让杭兹华斯太太好好休息一下。我挺喜欢做这些的——在船上的时候我没法做这些。”她谨慎地飞快扫了他一眼。“可能这就是为什么我没想到用微波炉来热粥。我的厨艺很是生疏了，需要多练习。”
She turned away so she could swipe at her face covertly, hoping he wouldn't notice she was trying to hide her desolation. “Then you can spend as much time with Nicola as you want,” she added. “Organize the damn nanny yourself if you'd rather. Whatever—it's fine by me.” She cut his sandwich swiftly in two and felt the clean sharp pain as the knife sliced the side of her thumb.
她转过身去，悄悄擦了擦脸，暗自希望他不要发现她在尽力隐藏自己的无助。“之后你想跟妮可拉待多久就待多久，”她补充道，“尽你所愿地把照料孩子的烦人事亲自打理好。无论如何——我都可以。”她迅速地把三明治切成了两半，却把手指切破了，传来一阵刺痛。
She gasped, snatching her hand away from the food to assess the damage, and releasing the knife with a clatter. A drop of bright blood seeped out and hit the table top. She stared at the crimson spot. Another landed beside it.
她吸了一口气，哐当一下放下了刀子，把手挪到眼前查看伤口。一滴鲜红的血液渗了出来，落到了桌面上。她盯着这红色的小点看了一阵。之后另一滴血又落了下来。
Christian lurched from his chair, raised her hand to his mouth, and sealed his lips around her thumb. He closed his eyes and they stood pressed together for a few frozen seconds as he ran his hot tongue over her flesh and sucked softly.
克里斯蒂安跳了起来，抓过她的手放进嘴里，嘴唇紧紧裹住了她的手指。他闭上了眼睛，接下来的几秒，它们一直紧紧闭着，只有他火热的舌头舔过她的伤口，轻轻吮吸。
Acting on long suppressed instinct, Fiona cupped her hand around his jaw, smoothed her fingers against his cheek and caressed the spiky bristles of his beard. She'd imagined touching him for years. And now, under the most unlikely circumstances, her wish had been granted.
因着长期被压抑的本能，菲奥娜的手握住了他的下巴，摩挲着他的脸颊与刺人的胡茬儿。多年来，她一直想要触碰他。而此刻，在这几乎不可能发生的状况下，她的心愿居然成真了。
Everything about her jolted into a different context. She sagged against him, absorbing his warmth, imprinting her body on his, wanting to stay like that forever.
她浑身都剧烈地震颤起来，进入了完全不同的篇章。她靠在他身上，摄取着他的温暖，贴紧他，希望这一刻永恒。
Somehow, she wrenched herself away.
不知何故，她又将自己拽了回来。
He raised a napkin to blot at the blood as she slid her thumb from between his lips. “It's only a tiny nick—I can feel it,” he muttered, still avoiding her eyes.
她从他的唇间抽出了手指，他拿起一块手帕给她止血。“只是个小伤口——我可以感觉到。”他喃喃地说，不敢看她的眼睛。
“Thank you.”
“You're welcome.”
“谢谢你。”
“不用。”
This is crazy. He licked me. He sucked my blood. I touched his face. I threw myself at him. Oh, Jan—I didn't mean to.
这太疯狂了。他舔了我。他吮吸着我的血。我抚摸了他的脸。我投入了他的怀抱。哦，简——我不是故意要这样的。
Waves of remorse and embarrassment rolled over her as she dropped down onto her chair again.
她有一次跌坐到椅子里，一阵阵懊悔与尴尬席卷而来。
*
“We always keep the first aid kit in the drawer over here.” Christian heard the strangled tone of his voice, and cursed under his breath. “Mostly for Nicky,” he added as he walked across to the long polished granite counter.
“我们总是将急救箱放在那儿。”克里斯蒂安听出了自己声音里的纠结，暗暗骂起了自己。“主要是为了妮基。”他边说边往那个光亮的花岗岩角落里走。
He rummaged in the box and found what he needed. Blew out a slow soft sigh of frustration before he tore the protective wrapper off the dressing. Why the hell had he grabbed her like that? He'd found yet another excuse to touch her, and once again it was because she'd been injured.
他在盒子里翻腾了一下，找到了需要的东西。他拨开创可贴的包装，轻轻地叹了一口气。他为什么要这么把她抓过来。他应该另找一个理由接触她的。不过这也是因为她受伤了。
This time, dangerously, she'd responded to him. If she hadn't peeled herself away at that very instant he would have clasped her closer…hauled her hard against him and held her there despite any protests she might have made. The game would have been up then. How could he have explained his behavior in any way that would make sense to her?
而这次，她竟充满危险地回应了他。如果不是她在那一刻脱离了他，他本该将她抱得更紧……紧紧地、一直地抱着她，除非她流露出挣脱的痕迹。游戏升级了。他要怎么解释自己的行为才能使她理解？
“That's not the one you burnt this morning, is it?” he asked, trying for casual.
“这不是你早上不小心烧到的那根手指吧？”他问，想使气氛轻松下来。
“No, that was this one.” She extended a forefinger. They both stared at it rather than look at each other.
“不，早上是这根手指。”她伸出了一根食指。他们都盯着手指看，而非彼此。
He drew the napkin away from her thumb. The cut was barely oozing now. With none of his normal deftness, he covered it with the dressing.
他从她的手指间抽出了手帕。伤口已经不大渗血了。他笨拙地包扎着伤口，全没有平日里的灵巧。
“What a klutz,” she said.
“真是个傻瓜。”她说。
“Me?”
“我？”
“No—me! Twice in a day. I'm not normally so clumsy.”
“不——是我！一天两回了。我平常可没那么笨。”
“This is not a normal situation, Fee.”
“如今可不比平常，菲。”
“Right,” she agreed, at last lifting her eyes to his.
“对，”她同意道，终于抬眼对上了他的目光。
“Kiss better,” Nicola squealed, breaking the spell. They both jumped.
“亲亲好更快。”妮可拉叫道，打破了平静。他们两个吓得跳了起来。
“You don't miss much, do you?” Fiona asked, amused.
“你没有错过太多，对不对？”菲奥娜打趣道。
“Kiss better, Daddy?”
“亲亲好更快，爸爸？”
“That's what Mummy always says when she fixes you up, isn't it, Nic?”He reached across to wipe some banana off her cheek and kissed her flossy hair.“Fixed you up,”he corrected himself under his breath.“Fiona's all better now.”
“这是妈妈在为你包扎时常说的话，对不对，妮可？”他把她脸颊上的香蕉残渣擦掉，又亲了亲她乱蓬蓬的头发。“搞定啦。”他稳住了自己的呼吸。“菲奥娜感觉好多啦。”
*
Fiona sat there trembling, far from ‘better'. Her heart fluttered, jittered, jumped behind her ribs as though a rock drummer pounded out a savage solo. Her blood rushed through her veins at double speed. And deep inside she throbbed with a dark insistent yearning, awakening, unfurling, threatening to take over her whole body and brain.
菲奥娜坐在那里，瑟瑟发抖，一点也没有“好更快”。她的心脏狂乱地跳动着，几乎要从肋骨后面蹦出来，像是摇滚鼓手击出的狂热鼓点，血液在血管中涌动。
If it gets worse than this I'll have to leave. I'll have to run. I'll never be able to keep my hands off him.
如果事情变得更糟了，我就必须要离开了。我必须要离开。我永远不能对他下手啊。
She sat and picked up one half of his sandwich. “I'll eat this one if you like.”
她坐下来，拿起了他的那半块三明治。“不介意的话我就吃这个了哦。”
“Go you halves.” He took the other portion.
“吃你这份吧。”他拿起了另一份。
“At least there's no blood on it,” she said, desperate for anything to fill the dangerous space between them.
“至少这半上没有血，”她说，绝望地渴望着有什么能够填补他们之间危险的空隙。
“You didn't start bleeding until you were well out of the way. It was only on the tablecloth.”
“在走开之前，你还没开始流血呢。它只滴在了桌布上。”
And on your tongue, she thought, recalling again the hot slide of his mouth and the hard exciting masculine stubble her hand had caressed.
还有你的舌头上，她暗道，回想起他嘴里滚烫的舌头，以及由于含着她手指而紧张起来的肌肉群。
“I'll put it to soak after lunch,” she said, pushing a white plate onto the stain to hide it.
“午饭后我会把它泡起来”她说，挪过来一个白盘子把污渍挡住。
If only my feelings could be so easily covered up.
如果我的感情也能如此容易地掩藏起来就好了。
*
Christian watched her hands as she moved the plate over the spots of blood. Long slim fingers, nicely kept. Nails smooth and pretty with glossy pale polish. He supposed she had to be well groomed for her job on the cruise liner.
克里斯蒂安看着她的手移过盘子遮挡血迹的动作。又长又细的手指，保护得很好。指甲涂着闪亮的指甲油，光滑又好看。他他猜想她是因为在邮轮上的工作才打扮得这么好的。
Jan had always looked the part too, with one exception. She was a keen gardener, an ardent potter, and her hands had always been a little rough, with nails cut sensibly short and often unvarnished.
简也总是打扮得很好，只有一个例外。她是个狂热的园丁、热切的陶艺家，因此她的手总是有些粗糙，指甲也剪得很短，不加修饰。
What would Fiona's soft smooth hands feel like sliding over his back? How pleasurably would those nails hurt, digging into his shoulders as she writhed under him?
当菲奥娜柔软又光滑的双手拂过他脊背的时候，会是怎样的感受？当她委身于他，指甲深深嵌入他的肩膀时，会是多么令人愉悦啊。
The picture was far too vivid. He could see her, and feel her and smell her trapped beneath his body.
这画面实在香艳。他仿佛能看到、感受到她被禁锢在他身下时的样子，甚至闻到她的气息。
Could imagine, all too easily, her soft lips parted, naked of lipstick from his kisses.
可以轻易想象，她不着口红的柔软嘴唇张开迎接他亲吻的样子。
Could hear her panting and moaning as she stared up at him until her gorgeous green eyes glazed over. It was altogether too real!
可以听见她凝望着他时的娇喘与轻吟，直到她漂亮的绿眼睛失了神。这一切都太真实了。
He bit savagely into his half of the sandwich and chewed with deliberation. Fiona sat across the table from him, nibbling at hers and hardly looking ravenous. They stayed unspeaking as they ate.
他大口咬着自己那半三明治，细细地咀嚼。菲奥娜坐在餐桌对面，小口地吃着她的那份，看起来没什么食欲。他们默默地吃着，都不说话。
Christian needed every sip of his pinot gris to wash down his lunch. The fresh bread seemed dry as sawdust…the juicy ham resilient as rubber.
克里斯蒂安需要喝灰比诺才能吃下午餐。新鲜面包干得像木屑。火腿跟橡胶似的嚼不烂。
What the heck am I going to do?
我到底该怎么办？
“I miss her more than you can imagine,” he finally rasped, trying to build the barrier back between them again.
“我比你想象中更思念她。”他终于开口了，想要在他们之间再次筑起屏障。
“I know you do. You must. She was so lovely, and you were exactly right together.”
“我知道。你一定会的。她那么可爱，而你们是那样般配。”
He bowed his head at that. “She fought it. How she fought. I thought she'd win.”
他赞同地点了点头。“她抗争过，激烈地抗争过了。我以为她会战胜病魔。”
Fiona shook her head sadly. “It's a disgusting disease.”
菲奥娜难过地摇了摇头。“这该死的病。”
“Some people escape. Why not her?” He glared across the table at the woman who looked so like the one he'd just lost.
“一些人的确痊愈了。为什么她不是其中之一？”他望着桌子对面这个与他刚刚逝去的妻子容貌相似的女人。
Maybe if he pretended she was ‘Jan returned' he wouldn't see her as the tempting other sister sitting there?
或许他可以假装她只是“归来的简”。这样他就不会觉得她是那个诱人的妹妹了。
But Jan, in her illness, hadn't looked this good in a long time. Not as smooth-faced and soft-skinned and touchable.
但是，由于生病，简已经很久都没那么好看了。她的脸颊不再光滑，皮肤也不再柔软得让人想要抚摸。
And Jan had never sparkled like Fiona did. Christian had castigated himself for years for thinking that. For allowing this other woman to steal even a fraction of his attention from the affectionate wife he'd loved so dearly.
简也从不像菲奥娜这样活力四射。多年来，克里斯蒂安一直谴责着自己这样的想法。他不该允许这个女人从他身上偷走哪怕一点对深爱的美丽妻子的注意力。
“She lives on in Nicky,” Fiona murmured.
“她会在妮基身上继续活着。”菲奥娜喃喃道。
She lives on in you. But I can't have you just to reclaim some of her—and that's not why I want you anyway. I want you for you, not her.
她在你身上继续活着。但我无法为了找寻她的影子而追求你——而这也不是我想得到你的原因。我想要你，因为你，而非她。
*
As soon as they'd finished, Fiona loaded the dishwasher—rather too fast in her unease—clashing the plates together, stowing the cutlery into its basket with no care.
他们一吃完，菲奥娜就把东西放进了洗碗机——由于不安，她做得很快——乒乒乓乓地将盘子塞到一起，随便地把餐具放进筐子。
“Leave it for the housekeeper,” Christian said.
“留给管家去做吧。”克里斯蒂安说。
“It's only dishes. I'll certainly do this much.” She secured the door and selected the wash cycle. The sooner she was out of the house and out of his sight, the better. The strange atmosphere between them felt too disturbing.“I'll be gone quite a lot of the afternoon.”
“只是些碟子罢了。我能做好的。”她关好了门，选好了清洁模式。她越快离开房子，离开他的视线，越好。这奇怪的气氛实在是太恼人了。“我下午要出去很久。”
“Stay out as long as you want. We've been invited to a barbecue down the road this evening. Want to go? It's not until much later.”
“你想待多久就多久。今晚我们受邀去参加街尾的烧烤聚会。你想去吗？不会太晚的。”
She nodded and turned away, grateful they wouldn't be alone in the big house. Having other people present should be a wonderful buffer.她点点头，然后便转过身去，心头大为感激，他们终于不用单独待在这座大房子里了。在人们身边，应该会是个不错的缓冲。
It might get us through one more day without me grabbing for you again.
这可能能使我多过一天不会再一次抓住你的日子。
She drove with caution down the steep and winding hill roads until she felt more confident in the car. Once she was on the flat surface at Oriental Bay, she sighed with relief.
她小心地开下山坡，开过蜿蜒的山路，直到她有信心开好这辆车。到了东方湾的平地上，她大大地松了一口气。
Tall Norfolk Pines lined the broad harbor promenade. Blocks of exclusive apartments now rose where grand old timber mansions had formerly stood. The well heeled and much-moneyed lived here, within walking distance of Wellington's business district if they felt like leaving their expensive cars garaged.
高大的小叶南洋杉立在宽阔的海滨大道两侧。独占整个街区的公寓拔地而起，占去了曾经众木成林的地区。紧接着有钱人们住到了这里。要是他们乐意把豪车锁在车库的话，这里步行就能抵达惠灵顿的商业区。
On the crescents of golden beach, the young and beautiful displayed themselves to each other. You didn't need money to share the sand, Fiona thought with amusement—a brief swimsuit and a one-section bus fare was all it took.
在月牙形的黄金沙滩上，年轻的美人们展现着自己好身材。你不需要很有钱就能享有这片沙滩，菲奥娜打趣地想着——到那儿只需要一套简单的泳衣，坐一站公交。
She drove on into the city proper. She'd shopped with Jan about a year earlier. There'd been a nice store on a corner somewhere. She navigated through the busy streets—yes, there it was. She eventually found a parking space not too far distant and was soon browsing the racks.
她开进了市中心。一年前，她还在这里跟简一起逛街。街角的某个地方有间很不错的店。她仔细地在这条繁忙的街道上搜寻——对了，就是这里。她最后终于找到了一个不太远的车位，下车逛了起来。
“Anything in particular you're looking for?”
“你想要找什么东西吗？”
Fiona grinned at the hopeful saleslady. “Something colorful and casual. Not cream, not black, not beige. I really want a change of image.”
菲奥娜朝一脸希冀的售货员小姐笑了笑。“最好是彩色的、轻松的东西。不要奶油色，不要黑色，不要米色。我想要彻底改变一下形象。”
The woman eyed Fiona's tailored black trousers and camel-colored tunic. “Your current colors suit you very well, but…let's think. We had some very different silk-mix summer knitwear arrive this morning. Not even priced yet. I'll see what I can show you.” She bustled off to the stockroom to search.
女子打量着菲奥娜量身定制的黑色长裤与驼色上衣。“你身上的配色很适合你呀，不过………让我想想。我们的确新进了一批很特别的丝质夏季针织衫。早上刚到的，都还没标价呢。我去看看我能给你找到些什么”。她急匆匆地跑进储藏室着了起来。
Fiona unhooked a short electric blue linen skirt and tossed it over her arm. And some lime green loose legged trousers in a sensuous shiny fabric. Not her usual look at all…her workmates on the ship would do a double take for sure. And Christian would no longer be reminded quite so achingly of his lovely lost Jan.
菲奥娜取下一件电光蓝亚麻短裙，挂在胳膊上。又拿了一条亮晶晶的宽松长裤。这完全不是她平常的打扮。她在游轮上的工作伙伴看了准会大吃一惊。而克里斯蒂安也不会因为她而痛苦地想起自己已经失去了的简。
By the time her hair was due for restyling, she was the owner of the skirt, the trousers, two vivid sleeveless tops, two outrageous pairs of earrings, and some darling multi-colored plaited sandals.
她买下了一条裙子，一条裤子，还有两件活泼的无袖上衣，两对造型夸张的耳环以及一些彩色的编织拖鞋，她该去做头发了，之前预约好的。
She enjoyed a latte in the sun and bought three hefty paperbacks that promised plenty of distraction from her current situation. Suddenly she wasn't the least bit worried about losing some of her hair. She'd had it long for years. It was time to have it shorter. Big pieces of her current life had changed—her hair could follow.
她在阳光下享用了一杯拿铁，又买了三大本简装书。这些书可以使她从当下的状况中稍稍分出些神来。她一点也不在乎自己忽然将要失去的一头长发。她养了几年的长发，也该是时候剪短了。她人生中非常重要的部分已经改变了——那她的发型也该变一变了。
“Really?” the young stylist asked, hefting a handful of Fiona's thick mane.
“真要这样？”年轻的发型师问道，抓起菲奥娜的一大把头发。
She smiled at the boy's doubtful expression. “Spiky, maybe. Fluff it up. Totally different from what it is now. Let's have some fun.”
她冲面脸狐疑的男孩笑了笑。“或许可以搞个刺猬头。把头发吹得蓬松些。反正要和现在完全不一样。这一定很有意思。”
She watched him in the big mirror as he let her hair slide down through his fingers. He inspected her intently as he turned her head from side to side, studying the angles of her face, pushing at her hair with his fingers.
她看着大镜子里自己的头发滑过他的指尖。他把她的脑袋从一边转向另一边，仔细地观察着她的脸型，用手指抓着她的头发。
How young he seemed. She hoped she wasn't making a huge mistake. Perhaps she should have waited a day or two until one of the senior staff was available?
他看着真年轻。她希望自己没有犯下大错。或许她应该再等上一两天，等更有经验的发型师有空了再来。
Too late now,she thought,flinching as the glittering scissors started to shear away long strands.
现在太迟了，她想，看着闪亮的剪刀已经开始剪下她的长发，不由地一阵害怕。
“Is it for a special occasion? Like—are you going to the big vineyard concert this weekend?” the snake-hipped boy enquired.
“你是在为什么特殊的场合做准备吗？就比如——一场周末的葡萄园音乐会？”这个纤瘦的男孩问道。
Fiona shook her head. “No—I just want a new look so…someone else sees me differently.”
菲奥娜摇了摇头。“不——我只是想换个造型……这样某些人可能会另眼看我。”
The stylist nodded. “Image is everything,” he said with huge conviction. Fiona cast her eyes down and tried not to grin. He couldn't be more than eighteen.At that age image probably was everything.
发型师点点头。“形象就是一切。”他深信不疑。菲奥娜垂下眼睑，想要笑一下。这个男孩绝对还不满18岁。在那个年龄，可能外貌真的就是一切。
“I'm just doing a rough cut,” he added, possibly misconstruing her expression. “I'm not taking it too short to start with. You've got some natural wave, and all this weight is pulling it out. I want to see what it does. Once I've got the color through it I'll complete the final shaping. I thought… a lot of pale highlights and some about mid-way between that and your current shade?” He waited for her reaction.
“我只是先粗略地剪一下你的头发。”他补充道，可能是误解了她表情的意思。“我最开始不想把头发剪得太短。你有些自然卷，而头发的重量使它展现了出来。我想要看看这是怎么一回事。把头发染好之后，我会最后修整你的发型的。我感觉，大量的灰色高光，以及一些你目前发色的过渡色可能会很适合你？”他等着她的回音。
“Great. As long as I don't look like me any more.”
“太好了。只要我彻头彻尾的改头换面就好了。”
And as long as Christian doesn't remember Jan every time he sees me.
只要克里斯蒂安别每回看见我就想起简就好了。
She wondered where her desirable brother-in-law was. Still at the beach with Nicola? Maybe he'd stretched his long body out in the sun so his little daughter could play at shoveling sand over his legs and no doubt impressive torso until he was half buried. She pictured the scene and imagined it with detached enjoyment as her hair cascaded to the floor.
她很好奇自己所渴望着的姐夫此刻正在哪里。跟妮可拉一起在海滩上？他或许在阳光下舒展开自己颀长的身体，以便于小女儿往他的长腿与美好的躯体上铲沙，直到半个身子都埋进沙里。她想象着这样的场景，觉得非常有趣，全然忘了自己剪落的头发。
It was easy to think about him rationally from a distance, but when they were face-to-face, it was hopeless. Even a room or two apart was difficult—his long legs ate up the distance between them in just a few strides, and she was then reduced yet again to an accident-prone, incompetent clown.
与他分离开来的时候，想他成了一件很容易的事情，只是一旦他们面对面，就变得毫无指望了。哪怕隔一两个房间也很难——他迈开长腿走几步路就能过去，而她立马会变成一个老整出幺蛾子的白痴小丑。
Perhaps she should move out of the house? But she'd promised her parents she'd help, and Nicky was in desperate need of mothering. It was achingly hard to provide the toddler with answers about where Jan had gone. An unfamiliar aunt was no substitute for a devoted mother, but surely better than no other permanent female in her life?
或许他应该搬出那所房子？但是她已经答应父母要帮忙了，而且妮基也急需照料。要告诉这个蹒跚学步的小娃娃她妈妈去哪儿了是件非常痛苦的事情。一个陌生的姑姑可能比不上全心全意爱她的母亲，但总比没有一个女性亲属在她身边照顾好吧。
Every day she stayed, Nicky trusted her a little more. This morning's cuddle in the sun had been magic. No doubt the days of confusion and suspicion would run on for ages yet, but Fiona hoped her tiny niece would gradually accept the new status quo.
她每多待一天，妮基就更信任她一些。今早在阳光下的小憩很是神奇。毫无疑问，困惑与怀疑可能会持续很久，但菲奥娜希望自己的小外甥女可以渐渐接受现状。
For Christian's sake. Because how hard must it be to have a daughter forever asking for the wife he'd loved so dearly? The wife who would never come home again.
这也是为了克里斯蒂安。他已经痛失爱妻了，而自己的小女儿还要不停地问妈妈去了哪里。他挚爱的妻子再也回不来了。
There was no point in returning to Auckland to drift around her parents' home for the rest of her leave. She drew in a deep breath of resolve. She'd have to make the current situation work somehow.
她没有任何理由回奥克兰，在父母家里度过余下的假期。她深深地呼吸了一下，迫使自己开始想办法。她必须要改变现状。
While she waited for her hair coloring to be completed, she again imagined delicious Christian stretched out on the sand for Nicky. Or for her.
她一边等着染发的工序完成，一遍想象着诱人的克里斯蒂安在沙滩上为了妮基舒展开来。或者说是为她。
His T-shirt had outlined broad shoulders, and the summer tan on his olive skin made a glorious contrast to his flashing white smile. But the rest was all guesswork.
他的T恤突显出他宽阔的肩膀，在夏日里晒得正好的橄榄色皮肤与他亮眼的微笑对比鲜明。不过余下的也都只是猜想罢了。
She pictured him again mending the toaster that morning. She'd been surprised he'd bothered. But he'd been competent. Assertive. Expecting to succeed.His hands belonged to a rich man,but a rich practical man.And his arms were beautiful—with strongly defined muscles and soft dark hair.
她想着早上他修吐司机的画面。他一看就是个修理能手。在这方面，他总是很能干，很自信，绝对可以搞定。他有一双富人的手，但也是一双靠能力致富的手。他的臂膀很是好看——有着强壮的肌肉与柔软的黑色毛发。
Would his chest be smooth or hairy? Dark-nippled anyway, because of his olive coloring. She shifted her hips in the chair, trying to relieve the insistent aching pressure in her lower body.
他的胸膛到底是光滑还是多毛呢？胸口反正一定是深色的，毕竟他有橄榄色的皮肤。她在椅子上不安地扭动着，想要缓解下面传来的不适感。
He'd be long in the torso, she decided—probably with iron-hard abs and a smooth sweep of skin right down to where his swimsuit sat low on his narrow hips. Or would there be a fine trail of dark hair down to his navel and beyond?
他的躯干很长，她觉得——可能有钢铁般的腹肌，以及当中一条延伸到泳裤的光滑皮肤。或者又是一条直达肚脐的黑色毛发？
Get him out of your mind,half of her instructed.
别再想他了，身体里的另一个自己下了命令。
Imagine how beautiful he must be,the other half insisted.
想想他是多么迷人呀，另一个自己坚持道。
And remember you can't possibly have him, her guilty conscience added.
记住，你永远不可能拥有他，她歉疚的良心补充道。
