Skepticism for that century we must consider as the decay of old ways of believing, the preparation afar off for new, better, and wider ways an inevitable thing.We will not blame men for it; we will lament their hard fate.We will understand that destruction of old forms is not destruction of everlasting substances; that skepticism, as sorrowful and hateful as we see it, is not an end but a beginning.Carlyle One June evening, an elderly man with closely cropped iron-gray hair, might have been seen in a certain railway carriage as the Folkestone train reached its destination.The Cannon Street platform was, as usual, the scene of bustle and confusion, most of the passengers were met by friends or relatives, others formed a complete party in themselves, and, with the exception of the elderly man, there was scarcely a unit among them.The fact of his loneliness would not, of course, have been specially remarkable had it not been that he was evidently in the last stage of some painful illness; he was also a foreigner and, not being accustomed to the English luggage system, he had failed to secure a porter as the train drew up and so, while the others were fighting their way to the van, he, who needed assistance more than any of them, was left to shift for himself.He moved with great difficulty, dragging down from the carriage a worn black bag, and occasionally muttering to himself, not as a peevish invalid would have done, but as if it were a sort of solace to his loneliness.
"The hardest day I've had, this! If I had but my Herzblattchen now, how quickly she would pilot me through this throng.Ah well!
Having managed to do the rest, I'll not be beaten by this last bit.
Potztausend! These English are all elbows!"He frowned with pain as the self-seeking crowd pushed and jostled him, but never once lost his temper, and at length, after long waiting, his turn came and, having secured his portmanteau, he was before long driving away in the direction of Bloomsbury.His strength was fast ebbing away, and the merciless jolting of the cab evidently tried him to the utmost, but he bore up with the strong endurance of one who knows that at the end of the struggle relief awaits him.
"If he is only at home," he muttered to himself, "all will be well.
He'll know where I ought to go; he'll do it all for me in the best way.ACH! Gott in himmel! But I need some one!"With an excruciating jerk the cab drew up before a somewhat grim-looking house; Had he arrived at the himmel he had just been speaking of, the traveler could not have given an exclamation of greater relief.He crawled up the steps, overruled some question on the part of the servant, and was shown into a brightly lighted room.At one glance he had taken in the whole of that restful picture so welcome to his sore need.It was a good sized room, lined with books, which had evidently seen good service, many of them had been bought with the price of foregone meals, almost all of them embodied some act of denial.Above the mantel piece hung a little oil painting of a river scene, the sole thing not strictly of a useful order, for the rest of the contents of this study were all admirably adapted for working purposes, but were the reverse of luxurious.
Seated at the writing table was the master of the house, who had impressed his character plainly enough on his surroundings.He looked up with an expression of blank astonishment on hearing the name of his visitor, then the astonishment changed to incredulity;but, when the weary traveler actually entered the room, he started up with an exclamation of delight which very speedily gave place to dismay when he saw how ill his friend was.
"Why, Haeberlein!" he said, grasping his hand, "what has happened to you?""Nothing very remarkable," replied Haeberlein, smiling."Only a great wish to see you before I die." Then, seeing that Raeburn's face changed fearfully at these words, "Yes, it has come to that, my friend.I've a very short time left, and I wanted to see you;can you tell me of rooms near here, and of a decent doctor?""Of a doctor, yes," said Raeburn, "of one who will save your life, I hope; and for rooms there are none that I know of except in this house, where you will of course stay.""With the little Herzblattchen to nurse me?" said Haeberlein with a sigh of weary content as he sank back in an arm chair."That would be a very perfect ending; but think what the world would say of you if I, who have lent a hand to so much that you disapprove, died in your house; inevitably you would be associated with my views and my doings.""May be!" said Raeburn."But I hope I may say that I've never refused to do what was right for fear of unpleasant consequences.
No, no, my friend, you must stay here.A hard life has taught me that, for one in my position, it is mere waste of time to consider what people will say; they will say and believe the worst that can be said and believed about me; and thirty years of this sort of thing has taught me to pay very little regard to appearances."As he spoke he took up the end of a speaking tube which communicated with the green room, Haeberlein watching his movements with the placid, weary indifference of one who is perfectly convinced that he is in the right hands.Presently the door opened and Erica came in.Haeberlein saw now what he had half fancied at Salzburg that, although loving diminutives would always come naturally to the lips when speaking of Erica, she had in truth lost the extreme youthfulness of manner which had always characterized her.It had to a great extent been crushed out of her by the long months of wearing anxiety, and though she was often as merry and kittenish as ever her habitual manner was that of a strong, quick temperament kept in check.The restraint showed in everything.
