The only spot of light in the ship at night was that of the compass-lamps, lighting up the faces of the succeeding helmsmen; for the rest we were lost in the darkness, I walking the poop and the men lying about the decks.They were all so reduced by sickness that no watches could be kept.Those who were able to walk remained all the time on duty, lying about in the shadows of the main deck, till my voice raised for an order would bring them to their enfeebled feet, a tottering little group, mov-ing patently about the ship, with hardly a mur-mur, a whisper amongst them all.And every time I had to raise my voice it was with a pang of remorse and pity.
Then about four o'clock in the morning a light would gleam forward in the galley.The unfailing Ransome with the uneasy heart, immune, serene, and active, was getting ready for the early coffee for the men.Presently he would bring me a cup up on the poop, and it was then that I allowed myself to drop into my deck chair for a couple of hours of real sleep.No doubt I must have been snatching short dozes when leaning against the rail for a mo-ment in sheer exhaustion; but, honestly, I was not aware of them, except in the painful form of con-vulsive starts that seemed to come on me even while I walked.From about five, however, until after seven I would sleep openly under the fading stars.
I would say to the helmsman: "Call me at need," and drop into that chair and close my eyes, feeling that there was no more sleep for me on earth.And then I would know nothing till, some time between seven and eight, I would feel a touch on my shoulder and look up at Ransome's face, with its faint, wistful smile and friendly, gray eyes, as though he were tenderly amused at my slumbers.Occasionally the second mate would come up and relieve me at early coffee time.But it didn't really matter.Generally it was a dead calm, or else faint airs so changing and fugitive that it really wasn't worth while to touch a brace for them.If the air steadied at all the seaman at the helm could be trusted for a warning shout:
"Ship's all aback, sir!" which like a trumpet-call would make me spring a foot above the deck.
Those were the words which it seemed to me would have made me spring up from eternal sleep.But this was not often.I have never met since such breathless sunrises.And if the second mate hap-pened to be there (he had generally one day in three free of fever) I would find him sitting on the skylight half senseless, as it were, and with an idiotic gaze fastened on some object near by--a rope, a cleat, a belaying pin, a ringbolt.
That young man was rather troublesome.He remained cubbish in his sufferings.He seemed to have become completely imbecile; and when the re-turn of fever drove him to his cabin below, the next thing would be that we would miss him from there.
The first time it happened Ransome and I were very much alarmed.We started a quiet search and ultimately Ransome discovered him curled up in the sail-locker, which opened into the lobby by a sliding door.When remonstrated with, he mut-tered sulkily, "It's cool in there." That wasn't true.It was only dark there.
The fundamental defects of his face were not im-proved by its uniform livid hue.The disease dis-closed its low type in a startling way.It was not so with many of the men.The wastage of ill-health seemed to idealise the general character of the features, bringing out the unsuspected nobility of some, the strength of others, and in one case re-vealing an essentially comic aspect.He was a short, gingery, active man with a nose and chin of the Punch type, and whom his shipmates called "Frenchy." I don't know why.He may have been a Frenchman, but I have never heard him utter a single word in French.
To see him coming aft to the wheel comforted one.The blue dungaree trousers turned up the calf, one leg a little higher than the other, the clean check shirt, the white canvas cap, evidently made by himself, made up a whole of peculiar smartness, and the persistent jauntiness of his gait, even, poor fellow, when he couldn't help tottering, told of his invincible spirit.There was also a man called Gambril.He was the only grizzled person in the ship.His face was of an austere type.But if I re-member all their faces, wasting tragically before my eyes, most of their names have vanished from my memory.
The words that passed between us were few and puerile in regard of the situation.I had to force myself to look them in the face.I expected to meet reproachful glances.There were none.The expression of suffering in their eyes was indeed hard enough to bear.But that they couldn't help.
For the rest, I ask myself whether it was the temper of their souls or the sympathy of their imagination that made them so wonderful, so worthy of my un-dying regard.
For myself, neither my soul was highly tempered, nor my imagination properly under control.There were moments when I felt, not only that I would go mad, but that I had gone mad already; so that Idared not open my lips for fear of betraying myself by some insane shriek.Luckily I had only orders to give, and an order has a steadying influence upon him who has to give it.Moreover, the seaman, the officer of the watch, in me was sufficiently sane.
I was like a mad carpenter making a box.
Were he ever so convinced that he was King of Jerusalem, the box he would make would be a sane box.What I feared was a shrill note escaping me involuntarily and upsetting my balance.Luckily, again, there was no necessity to raise one's voice.
The brooding stillness of the world seemed sensitive to the slightest sound, like a whispering gallery.
The conversational tone would almost carry a word from one end of the ship to the other.The terrible thing was that the only voice that I ever heard was my own.At night especially it reverber-ated very lonely amongst the planes of the un-stirring sails.
