Then he began to think that he might just as well say his prayers in bed, and then that is did not matter whether he was kneeling, or sitting, or lying down.And so it had come to pass with Tom, as with all who will not confess their Lord before men; and for the last year he had probably not said his prayers in earnest a dozen times.
Poor Tom! the first and bitterest feeling, which was like to break his heart, was the sense of his own cowardice.The vice of all others which he loathed was brought in and burned in on his own soul.He had lied to his mother, to his conscience, to his God.How could he bear it? And then the poor, little, weak boy, whom he had pitied and almost scorned for his weakness, had done that which he, braggart as he was, dared not do.
The first dawn of comfort came to him in vowing to himself that he would stand by that boy through thick and thin, and cheer him, and help him, and bear his burdens, for the good deed done that night.Then he resolved to write home next day and tell his mother all, and what a coward her son had been.And then peace came to him as he resolved, lastly, to bear his testimony next morning.
The morning would be harder than the night to begin with, but he felt that he could not afford to let one chance slip.Several times he faltered, for the Devil showed him, first, all his old friends calling him "Saint," and "Squaretoes," and a dozen hard names, and whispered to him that his motives would be misunderstood, and he would be left alone with the new boy; whereas, it was his duty to keep all means of influence, that he might do good to the largest number.
And then came the more subtle temptation, "shall I not be showing myself braver than others by doing this? Have I any right to begin it now? Ought I not rather to pray in my own study, letting other boys know that I do so, and trying to lead them to it, while in public, at least, I should go on as I have done?" However, his good angel was too strong that night, and he turned on his side and slept, tired of trying to reason, but resolved to follow the impulse which had been so strong, and in which he had found peace.
Next morning he was up and washed and dressed, all but his jacket and waistcoat, just as the ten minutes' bell began to ring, and then in theface of the whole room he knelt down to pray.Not five words could he say,--the bell mocked him; he was listening for every whisper in the room,--what were they all thinking of him?
He was ashamed to go on kneeling, ashamed to rise from his knees.At last, as it were from his inmost heart, a still, small voice seemed to breathe forth the words of the publican, "God be merciful to me a sinner!" He repeated them over and over, and rose from his knees comforted and humbled, and ready to face the whole world.
It was not needed: two other boys besides Arthur had already followed his example, and he went down to the great school with a glimmering of another lesson in his heart,--the lesson that he who has conquered his own coward spirit has conquered the whole outward world; and also that however we may fancy ourselves alone on the side of good, the King and Lord of men is nowhere without his witnesses.
He found, too, how greatly he had exaggerated the effect to be produced by his act.For a few nights there was a sneer or a laugh when he knelt down, but this passed off soon, and one by one all the other boys but three or four followed the lead.
--Adapted from "School Days at Rugby."
DEFINITIONS:--Waistcoat, a vest.Overwhelmed, overcome, cast down.Novelty, newness.Ablution, the act of washing.Sneered, showed contempt.Bully, a noisy, blustering fellow, more insolent than courageous.Tingling, having a thrilling feeling.Leaven, to make a general change, to imbue.Loathed, hated, detested.Braggart, a boaster.Vowing, making a solemn promise to God.Testimony, open declaration.Faltered, hesitated.Motive, that which causes action, cause, reason.Subtle, artful, cunning.
NOTES.--"Rugby" the scene of this story, is a celebrated grammar school which was established at the town of Rugby, England, in 1667.
Sixth-form boy.The school was graded into six classes or "forms," and the boys of the highest, or sixth, form were expected to keep the smaller boys under them in order.
