He thinks the people elected him.I know I did.Nora Nashville was getting fifty dollars a week in vaudeville when I took hold of her; now she gets a thousand.I even made people believe Mrs.Hampton-Rhodes was a society leader at Newport, when all she ever saw of Newport was Bergers and the Muschenheim-Kings.Why, I am the man that made the American People believe Russian dancers can dance!""It's plain to see you hate yourself," said 'Peter."You must not get so despondent or you might commit suicide.How much money will you want?""How much have you got?"
"All kinds," said Peter."Some in a letter-of-credit that my father earned from the fretful pig, and much more in cash that I won at poker from the pashas.When that's gone I've got to go to work and earn my living.Meanwhile your salary is a hundred a week and all you need to boost Gilman and the Order of the Crescent.We are now the Gilman Defense, Publicity, and Development Committee, and you will begin by introducing me to the man I am to bribe.""In this country you don't need any introduction to the man you want to bribe," exclaimed Stetson; "you just bribe him!"That same night in the smoking-room of the hotel, Peter and Stetson made their first move in the game of winning for Professor Gilman the Order of the Crescent.Stetson presented Peter to a young effendi in a frock coat and fez.Stetson called him Osman.He was a clerk in the foreign office and appeared to be "a friend of a friend of a friend" of the assistant third secretary.
The five volumes of the "Rise and Fall" were spread before him, and Peter demanded to know why so distinguished a scholar as Doctor Gilman had not received some recognition from the country he had so sympathetically described.Osman fingered the volumes doubtfully, and promised the matter should be brought at once to the attention of the grand vizier.
After he had departed Stetson explained that Osman had just as little chance of getting within speaking distance of the grand vizier as of the ladies of his harem.
"It's like Tammany," said Stetson; "there are sachems, district leaders, and lieutenants.Each of them is entitled to trade or give away a few of these decorations, just as each district leader gets his percentage of jobs in the streetcleaning department.This fellow will go to his patron, his patron will go to some undersecretary in the cabinet, he will put it up to a palace favorite, and they will divide your money.
"In time the minister of foreign affairs will sign your brevet and a hundred others, without knowing what he is signing; then you cable me, and the Star of the Crescent will burst upon the United States in a way that will make Halley's comet look like a wax match."The next day Stetson and the tutor sailed for home and Peter was left alone to pursue, as he supposed, the Order of the Crescent.On the contrary, he found that the Order of the Crescent was pursuing him.He had not appreciated that, from underlings and backstair politicians, an itinerant showman like Stetson and the only son of an American Croesus would receive very different treatment.
Within twenty-four hours a fat man with a blue-black beard and diamond rings called with Osman to apologize for the latter.Osman, the fat man explained--had been about to make a fatal error.For Doctor Gilman he had asked the Order of the Crescent of the fifth class, the same class that had been given Stetson.The fifth class, the fat man explained, was all very well for tradesmen, dragomans, and eunuchs, but as an honor for a savant as distinguished as the friend of his.
Hallowell, the fourth class would hardly be high enough.The fees, the fat man added, would Also be higher; but, he pointed out, it was worth the difference, because the fourth class entitled the wearer to a salute from all sentries.
"There are few sentries at Stillwater," said Peter; "but Iwant the best and I want it quick.Get me the fourth class."The next morning he was surprised by an early visit from Stimson of the embassy.The secretary was considerably annoyed.
"My dear Hallowell," he protested, "why the devil didn't you tell me you wanted a decoration? Of course the State department expressly forbids us to ask for one for ourselves, or for any one else.But what's the Constitution between friends? I'll get it for you at once--but, on two conditions:
that you don't tell anybody I got it, and that you tell me why you want it, and what you ever did to deserve it."Instead, Peter explained fully and so sympathetically that the diplomat demanded that he, too, should be enrolled as one of the Gilman Defense Committee.
"Doctor Gilman's history," he said, "must be presented to the Sultan.You must have the five volumes rebound in red and green, the colors of Mohammed, and with as much gold tooling as they can carry.I hope," he added, they are not soiled.""Not by me," Peter assured him.
"I will take them myself," continued Stimson, "to Muley Pasha, the minister of foreign affairs, and ask him to present them to his Imperial Majesty.He will promise to do so, but he won't; but he knows I know he won't so that is all right.And in return he will present us with the Order of the Crescent of the third class.""Going up!" exclaimed Peter."The third class.That will cost me my entire letter-of-credit.""Not at all," said Stimson."I've saved you from the grafters.It will cost you only what you pay to have the books rebound.And the THIRD class is a real honor of which any one might be proud.You wear it round your neck, and at your funeral it entitles you to an escort of a thousand soldiers.""I'd rather put up with fewer soldiers," said Peter, " and wear it longer round my neck What's the matter with our getting the second class or the first class?"At such ignorance Stimson could not repress a smile.
