But he was very kind.He gave her the best things at the table, he had a bottle of slightly sweet, delicious golden wine brought out for dinner, knowing she would prefer it to the burgundy.She felt herself esteemed, needed almost.
As they took coffee in the library, there was a soft, very soft knocking at the door.He started, and called `Come in.' The timbre of his voice, like something vibrating at high pitch, unnerved Gudrun.A nurse in white entered, half hovering in the doorway like a shadow.She was very good-looking, but strangely enough, shy and self-mistrusting.
`The doctor would like to speak to you, Mr Crich,' she said, in her low, discreet voice.
`The doctor!' he said, starting up.`Where is he?'
`He is in the dining-room.'
`Tell him I'm coming.'
He drank up his coffee, and followed the nurse, who had dissolved like a shadow.
`Which nurse was that?' asked Gudrun.
`Miss Inglis -- I like her best,' replied Winifred.
After a while Gerald came back, looking absorbed by his own thoughts, and having some of that tension and abstraction which is seen in a slightly drunken man.He did not say what the doctor had wanted him for, but stood before the fire, with his hands behind his back, and his face open and as if rapt.Not that he was really thinking -- he was only arrested in pure suspense inside himself, and thoughts wafted through his mind without order.
`I must go now and see Mama,' said Winifred, `and see Dadda before he goes to sleep.'
She bade them both good-night.
Gudrun also rose to take her leave.
`You needn't go yet, need you?' said Gerald, glancing quickly at the clock.' It is early yet.I'll walk down with you when you go.Sit down, don't hurry away.'
Gudrun sat down, as if, absent as he was, his will had power over her.
She felt almost mesmerised.He was strange to her, something unknown.What was he thinking, what was he feeling, as he stood there so rapt, saying nothing? He kept her -- she could feel that.He would not let her go.She watched him in humble submissiveness.
`Had the doctor anything new to tell you?' she asked, softly, at length, with that gentle, timid sympathy which touched a keen fibre in his heart.
He lifted his eyebrows with a negligent, indifferent expression.
`No -- nothing new,' he replied, as if the question were quite casual, trivial.`He says the pulse is very weak indeed, very intermittent -- but that doesn't necessarily mean much, you know.'
He looked down at her.Her eyes were dark and soft and unfolded, with a stricken look that roused him.
`No,' she murmured at length.`I don't understand anything about these things.'
`Just as well not,' he said.`I say, won't you have a cigarette? --do!' He quickly fetched the box, and held her a light.Then he stood before her on the hearth again.
`No,' he said, `we've never had much illness in the house, either --not till father.' He seemed to meditate a while.Then looking down at her, with strangely communicative blue eyes, that filled her with dread, he continued: `It's something you don't reckon with, you know, till it is there.And then you realise that it was there all the time -- it was always there -- you understand what I mean? -- the possibility of this incurable illness, this slow death.'
He moved his feet uneasily on the marble hearth, and put his cigarette to his mouth, looking up at the ceiling.
`I know,' murmured Gudrun: `it is dreadful.'
He smoked without knowing.Then he took the cigarette from his lips, bared his teeth, and putting the tip of his tongue between his teeth spat off a grain of tobacco, turning slightly aside, like a man who is alone, or who is lost in thought.
`I don't know what the effect actually is , on one,' he said, and again he looked down at her.Her eyes were dark and stricken with knowledge, looking into his.He saw her submerged, and he turned aside his face.`But I absolutely am not the same.There's nothing left, if you understand what I mean.You seem to be clutching at the void -- and at the same time you are void yourself.And so you don't know what to do.'
`No,' she murmured.A heavy thrill ran down her nerves, heavy, almost pleasure, almost pain.`What can be done?' she added.
He turned, and flipped the ash from his cigarette on to the great marble hearth-stones, that lay bare in the room, without fender or bar.
`I don't know, I'm sure,' he replied.`But I do think you've got to find some way of resolving the situation -- not because you want to, but because you've got to, otherwise you're done.The whole of everything, and yourself included, is just on the point of caving in, and you are just holding it up with your hands.Well, it's a situation that obviously can't continue.You can't stand holding the roof up with your hands, for ever.
You know that sooner or later you'll have to let go.Do you understand what I mean? And so something's got to be done, or there's a universal collapse -- as far as you yourself are concerned.'
He shifted slightly on the hearth, crunching a cinder under his heel.
He looked down at it.Gudrun was aware of the beautiful old marble panels of the fireplace, swelling softly carved, round him and above him.She felt as if she were caught at last by fate, imprisoned in some horrible and fatal trap.
`But what can be done?' she murmured humbly.`You must use me if I can be of any help at all -- but how can I? I don't see how I can help you.'
He looked down at her critically.
`I don't want you to help ,' he said, slightly irritated, `because there's nothing to be done.I only want sympathy, do you see: Iwant somebody I can talk to sympathetically.That eases the strain.And there is nobody to talk to sympathetically.That's the curious thing.
There is nobody.There's Rupert Birkin.But then he isn't sympathetic, he wants to dictate.And that is no use whatsoever.'
She was caught in a strange snare.She looked down at her hands.
Then there was the sound of the door softly opening.Gerald started.
He was chagrined.It was his starting that really startled Gudrun.Then he went forward, with quick, graceful, intentional courtesy.
