Then swiftly, in a flame that drenched down her body like fluid lightning and gave her a perfect, unutterable consummation, unutterable satisfaction, she brought down the ball of jewel stone with all her force, crash on his head.But her fingers were in the way and deadened the blow.Nevertheless, down went his head on the table on which his book lay, the stone slid aside and over his ear, it was one convulsion of pure bliss for her, lit up by the crushed pain of her fingers.But it was not somehow complete.She lifted her arm high to aim once more, straight down on the head that lay dazed on the table.She must smash it, it must be smashed before her ecstasy was consummated, fulfilled for ever.A thousand lives, a thousand deaths mattered nothing now, only the fulfilment of this perfect ecstasy.
She was not swift, she could only move slowly.A strong spirit in him woke him and made him lift his face and twist to look at her.Her arm was raised, the hand clasping the ball of lapis lazuli.It was her left hand, he realised again with horror that she was left-handed.Hurriedly, with a burrowing motion, he covered his head under the thick volume of Thucydides, and the blow came down, almost breaking his neck, and shattering his heart.
He was shattered, but he was not afraid.Twisting round to face her he pushed the table over and got away from her.He was like a flask that is smashed to atoms, he seemed to himself that he was all fragments, smashed to bits.Yet his movements were perfectly coherent and clear, his soul was entire and unsurprised.
`No you don't, Hermione,' he said in a low voice.`I don't let you.'
He saw her standing tall and livid and attentive, the stone clenched tense in her hand.
`Stand away and let me go,' he said, drawing near to her.
As if pressed back by some hand, she stood away, watching him all the time without changing, like a neutralised angel confronting him.
`It is not good,' he said, when he had gone past her.`It isn't I who will die.You hear?'
He kept his face to her as he went out, lest she should strike again.
While he was on his guard, she dared not move.And he was on his guard, she was powerless.So he had gone, and left her standing.
She remained perfectly rigid, standing as she was for a long time.Then she staggered to the couch and lay down, and went heavily to sleep.When she awoke, she remembered what she had done, but it seemed to her, she had only hit him, as any woman might do, because he tortured her.She was perfectly right.She knew that, spiritually, she was right.In her own infallible purity, she had done what must be done.She was right, she was pure.A drugged, almost sinister religious expression became permanent on her face.
Birkin, barely conscious, and yet perfectly direct in his motion, went out of the house and straight across the park, to the open country, to the hills.The brilliant day had become overcast, spots of rain were falling.
He wandered on to a wild valley-side, where were thickets of hazel, many flowers, tufts of heather, and little clumps of young firtrees, budding with soft paws.It was rather wet everywhere, there was a stream running down at the bottom of the valley, which was gloomy, or seemed gloomy.He was aware that he could not regain his consciousness, that he was moving in a sort of darkness.
Yet he wanted something.He was happy in the wet hillside, that was overgrown and obscure with bushes and flowers.He wanted to touch them all, to saturate himself with the touch of them all.He took off his clothes, and sat down naked among the primroses, moving his feet softly among the primroses, his legs, his knees, his arms right up to the arm-pits, lying down and letting them touch his belly, his breasts.It was such a fine, cool, subtle touch all over him, he seemed to saturate himself with their contact.
But they were too soft.He went through the long grass to a clump of young fir-trees, that were no higher than a man.The soft sharp boughs beat upon him, as he moved in keen pangs against them, threw little cold showers of drops on his belly, and beat his loins with their clusters of soft-sharp needles.There was a thistle which pricked him vividly, but not too much, because all his movements were too discriminate and soft.
