'No, becaase you're an Englishman--that is, a Welshman--I beg your honour's pardon.But I'll tell you how that is, and I'll go slow over these broken stones for I can't go fast: it is where there's no jantleman over these under-agents, as here, they do as they plase; and when they have set the land they get rasonable from the head landlords, to poor cratures at a rack-rent, that they can't live and pay the rent, they say--'
'Who says?'
'Them under-agents, that have no conscience at all.Not all--but SOME, like Dennis, says, says he, "I'll get you a road to make up the rent:" that is, plase your honour, the agent gets them a presentment for so many perches of road from the grand jury, at twice the price that would make the road.And tenants are, by this means, as they take the road by contract, at the price given by the county, able to pay all they get by the job, over and above potatoes and salt, back again to the agent, for the arrear on the land.Do I make your honour SENSIBLE?' [Do I make you understand?]
'You make me much more sensible than I ever was before,' said Lord Colambre; 'but is not this cheating the county?'
'Well, and suppose,' replied Larry, 'is not it all for my good, and yours too, plase your honour?' said Larry, looking very shrewdly.
'My good!' said Lord Colambre, startled.'What have I to do with it?'
'Haven't you to do with the roads as well as me, when you're travelling upon them, plase your honour? And sure, they'd never be got made at all, if they weren't made this ways; and it's the best way in the wide world, and the finest roads we have.And when the RAEL jantlemen's resident in the country, there's no jobbing can be, because they're then the leading men on the grand jury; and these journeymen jantlemen are then kept in order, and all's right.'
Lord Colambre was much surprised at Larry's knowledge of the manner in which county business is managed, as well as by his shrewd good sense: he did not know that this is not uncommon in his rank of life in Ireland.
Whilst Larry was speaking, Lord Colambre was looking from side to side at the desolation of the prospect.
'So this is Lord Clonbrony's estate, is it?'
'Ay, all you see, and as far and farther than you can see.My Lord Clonbrony wrote, and ordered plantations here, time back;and enough was paid to labourers for ditching and planting.And, what next?--Why, what did the under-agent do, but let the goats in through gaps, left o' purpose, to bark the trees, and then the trees was all banished.And next, the cattle was let in trespassing, and winked at, till the land was all poached; and then the land was waste, and cried down; and St.Dennis wrote up to Dublin to old Nick, and he over to the landlord, how none would take it, or bid anything at all for it; so then it fell to him a cheap bargain.Oh, the tricks of them! who knows 'em, if I don't?'
Presently, Lord Colambre's attention was roused again, by seeing a man running, as if for his life, across a bog, near the roadside; he leaped over the ditch, and was upon the road in an instant.He seemed startled at first, at the sight of the carriage; but, looking at the postillion, Larry nodded, and he smiled and said--'All's safe!'
'Pray, my good friend, may I ask what that is you have on your shoulder?' said Lord Colambre.
PLASE your honour, it is only a private still, which I've just caught out yonder in the bog; and I'm carrying it in with all speed to the gauger, to make a discovery, that the JANTLEMAN may benefit by the reward; I expect he'll make me a compliment.'
'Get up behind, and I'll give you a lift,' said the postillion.
'Thank you kindly--but better my legs!' said the man; and turning down a lane, off he ran again as fast as possible.
'Expect he'll make me a compliment,' repeated Lord Colambre, 'to make a discovery!'
Ay, plase your honour; for the law is,' said Larry, 'that, if an unlawful still, that is, a still without license for whisky, is found, half the benefit of the fine that's put upon the parish goes to him that made the discovery; that's what that man is after, for he's an informer.'
'I should not have thought, from what I see of you,' said Lord Colambre, smiling, 'that you, Larry, would have offered an informer a lift.'
'Oh, plase your honour!' said Larry, smiling archly, 'would not I give the laws a lift, when in my power?'
Scarcely had he uttered these words, and scarcely was the informer out of sight, when across the same bog, and over the ditch, came another man, a half kind of gentleman, with a red silk handkerchief about his neck, and a silver-handled whip in his hand.
'Did you see any man pass the road, friend?' said he to the postillion.
'Oh! who would I see? or why would I tell?' replied Larry, in a sulky tone.
'Came, come, be smart!' said the man with the silver whip, offering to put half a crown into the postillion's hand; 'point me which way he took.'
'I'll have none a' your silver! don't touch me with it!' said Larry.'But, if you'll take my advice, you'll strike across back, and follow the fields, out to Killogenesawee.'
The exciseman set out again immediately, in an opposite direction to that which the man who carried the still had taken.Lord Colambre now perceived that the pretended informer had been running off to conceal a still of his own.
'The gauger, plase your honour,' said Larry, looking back at Lord Colambre; 'the gauger is a STILL-HUNTING!'
'And you put him on a wrong scent!' said Lord Colambre.
'Sure, I told him no lie; I only said, "If you'll take my advice." And why was he such a fool as to take my advice, when Iwouldn't take his fee?'
'So this is the way, Larry, you give a lift to the laws!'
'If the laws would give a lift to me, plase your honour, maybe I'd do as much by them.But it's only these revenue laws I mean;for I never, to my knowledge, broke another commandment; but it's what no honest poor man among his neighbours would scruple to take--a glass of POTSHEEN.'
'A glass of what, in the name of Heaven?' said Lord Colambre.
