'It is an excellent foundation,' said she; 'but I never went any farther than the foundation; and, indeed, I never wished to proceed any farther.'
Lord Colambre scarcely dared to ask why; but, after some pause, he said--'I don't wish to intrude upon your confidence.'
'You cannot intrude upon my confidence; I am ready to give it to you entirely, frankly; I hesitated only because another person was concerned.Do you remember, at my aunt's gala, a lady who danced with Mr.Salisbury?'
'Not in the least.'
'A lady with whom you and Mr.Salisbury were talking, just before supper, in the Turkish tent.'
'Not in the least.'
'As we went down to supper, you told me you had had a delightful conversation with her--that you thought her a charming woman.'
'A charming woman!--I have not the slightest recollection of her.'
'And you told me that she and Mr.Salisbury had been praising me A L'ENVIE L'UNE ET L'AUTRE.'
'Oh, I recollect her now perfectly,' said Lord Colambre; 'But what of her?'
'She is the woman who, I hope, will be Mrs.Salisbury.Ever since I have been acquainted with them both, I have seen that they were suited to each other; and fancy, indeed I am almost sure, that she could love him, tenderly love him--and, I know, Icould not.But my own sentiments, you may be sure, are all Iever told Mr.Salisbury.'
'But of your own sentiments you may not be sure,' said Lord Colambre; 'and I see no reason why you should give him up from false generosity.'
'Generosity?' interrupted Miss Nugent; 'you totally misunderstand me; there is no generosity, nothing for me to give up in the case.I did not refuse Mr.Salisbury from generosity, but because I did not love him.Perhaps my seeing this at first prevented me from thinking of him as a lover; but, from whatever cause, I certainly never felt love for Mr.Salisbury, nor any of that pity which is said to lead to love; perhaps,' added she, smiling, 'because I was aware that he would be so much better off after I refused him--so much happier with one suited to him in age, talents, fortune, and love--"What bliss, did he but know his bliss," were HIS!'
'Did he but know his bliss,' repeated Lord Colambre; 'but is not he the best judge of his own bliss?'
'And am not I the best judge of mine?' said Miss Nugent; 'I go no farther.'
'You are; and I have no right to go farther.Yet, this much permit me to say, my dear Grace, that it would give me sincere pleasure, that is, real satisfaction, to see you happily--established.'
'Thank you, my dear Lord Colambre; but you spoke that like a man of seventy at least, with the most solemn gravity of demeanour.'
'I meant to be serious, not solemn,' said Lord Colambre, endeavouring to change his tone.
'There now,' said she, in a playful tone, 'you have SERIOUSLYaccomplished the task my good uncle set you; so I will report well of you to him, and certify that you did all that in you lay to exhort me to marry; that you have even assured me that it would give you sincere pleasure, that is, real satisfaction, to see me happily established.'
'Oh, Grace, if you knew how much I felt when I said that, you would spare this raillery.'
'I will be serious--I am most seriously convinced of the sincerity of your affection for me; I know my happiness is your object in all you have said, and I thank you from my heart for the interest you take about me.But really and truly, I do not wish to marry.This is not a mere commonplace speech; but I have not yet seen any man I could love.I like you, cousin Colambre, better than Mr.Salisbury--I would rather live with you than with him; you know that is a certain proof that I am not likely to be in love with him.I am happy as I am, especially now we are all going to dear Ireland, home, to live together: you cannot conceive with what pleasure I look forward to that.'
Lord Colambre was not vain; but love quickly sees love where it exists, or foresees the probability, the possibility of its existence.He saw that Miss Nugent might love him tenderly, passionately; but that duty, habit, the prepossession that it was impossible she could marry her cousin Colambre--a prepossession instilled into her by his mother--had absolutely prevented her from ever yet thinking of him as a lover.He saw the hazard for her, he felt the danger for himself.Never had she appeared to him so attractive as at this moment, when he felt the hope that he could obtain return of love.
'But St.Omar!--Why! why is she a St, Omar!--illegitimate!--"No St.Omar SANS REPROCHE." My wife she cannot be--I will not engage her affections.'
Swift as thoughts in moments of strong feeling pass in the mind without being put into words, our hero thought all this, and determined, cost what it would, to act honourably.
'You spoke of my returning to Ireland, my dear Grace.I have not yet told you my plans.'
'Plans! are not you returning with us?' said she, precipitately; 'are not you going to Ireland--home--with us?'
'No--I am going to serve a campaign or two abroad.I think every young man in these times--'
'Good heavens! What does this mean? What can you mean?' cried she, fixing her eyes upon his, as if she would read his very soul.'Why? what reason?--Oh, tell me the truth and at once.'
His change of colour--his hand that trembled, and withdrew from hers--the expression of his eyes as they met hers-- revealed the truth to her at once.As it flashed across her mind, she started back; her face grew crimson, and, in the same instant, pale as death.
'Yes--you see, you feel the truth now,' said Lord Colambre.'You see, you feel, that I love you--passionately,'
'Oh, let me not hear it!' said she; 'I must not--ought not.
Never, till this moment, did such a thought cross my mind--Ithought it impossible--oh, make me think so still.'
'I will--it is impossible that we can ever be united.'
'I always thought so,' said she, taking breath with a deep sigh.
'Then why not live as we have lived?'
