This advantage,I must confess,very seldom accrues to my countrymen from their traveling;as they have neither the desire nor the means of getting into good company abroad ;for,in the first place,they are confoundedly bashful;and,in the next place,they either speak no foreign language at all,or if they do,it is barbarously.You possess all the advantages that they want;you know the languages in perfection,and have constantly kept the best company in the places where you have been;so that you ought to be an European.Your canvas is solid and strong,your outlines are good;but remember that you still want the beautiful coloring of Titian,and the delicate,graceful touches of Guido.Now is your time to get them.There is,in all good company,a fashionable air,countenance,manner,and phraseology,which can only be acquired by being in good company,and very attentive to all that passes there.When you dine or sup at any well-bred man's house,observe carefully how he does the honors of his table to the different guests.Attend to the compliments of congratulation or condolence that you hear a well-bred man make to his superiors,to his equals,and to his inferiors;watch even his countenance and his tone of voice,for they all conspire in the main point of pleasing.There is a certain distinguishing diction of a man of fashion;he will not content himself with saying,like John Trott,to a new-married man,Sir,I wish you much joy;or to a man who lost his son,Sir,I am sorry for your loss;and both with a countenance equally unmoved;but he will say in effect the same thing in a more elegant and less trivial manner,and with a countenance adapted to the occasion.He will advance with warmth,vivacity,and a cheerful countenance,to the new-married man,and embracing him,perhaps say to him,"If you do justice to my attachment to you,you will judge of the joy that I feel upon this occasion,better than I can express it,"etc.;to the other in affliction,he will advance slowly,with a grave composure of countenance,in a more deliberate manner,and with a lower voice,perhaps say,"I hope you do me the justice to be convinced that I feel whatever you feel,and shall ever be affected where you are concerned."Your 'abord',I must tell you,was too cold and uniform;I hope it is now mended.It should be respectfully open and cheerful with your superiors,warm and animated with your equals,hearty and free with your inferiors.
There is a fashionable kind of SMALL TALK which you should get;which,trifling as it is,is of use in mixed companies,and at table,especially in your foreign department;where it keeps off certain serious subjects,that might create disputes,or at least coldness for a time.Upon such occasions it is not amiss to know how to parley cuisine,and to be able to dissert upon the growth and flavor of wines.These,it is true,are very little things;but they are little things that occur very often,and therefore should be said 'avec gentillesse et grace'.I am sure they must fall often in your way;pray take care to catch them.There is a certain language of conversation,a fashionable diction,of which every gentleman ought to be perfectly master,in whatever language he speaks.
The French attend to it carefully,and with great reason;and their language,which is a language of phrases,helps them out exceedingly.
That delicacy of diction is characteristical of a man of fashion and good company.
I could write folios upon this subject,and not exhaust it;but I think,and hope,that to you I need not.You have heard and seen enough to be convinced of the truth and importance of what I have been so long inculcating into you upon these points.How happy am I,and how happy are you,my dear child,that these Titian tints,and Guido graces,are all that you want to complete my hopes and your own character!But then,on the other hand,what a drawback would it be to that happiness,if you should never acquire them?I remember,when I was of age,though I had not near so good an education as you have,or seen a quarter so much of the world,I observed those masterly touches and irresistible graces in others,and saw the necessity of acquiring them myself;but then an awkward 'mauvaise honte',of which I had brought a great deal with me from Cambridge,made me ashamed to attempt it,especially if any of my countrymen and particular acquaintances were by.This was extremely absurd in me:for,without attempting,I could never succeed.But at last,insensibly,by frequenting a great deal of good company,and imitating those whom I saw that everybody liked,I formed myself,'tant bien que mal'.For God's sake,let this last fine varnish,so necessary to give lustre to the whole piece,be the sole and single object now of your utmost attention.Berlin may contribute a great deal to it if you please;there are all the ingredients that compose it.
'A Propos'of Berlin,while you are there,take care to seem ignorant of all political matters between the two courts;such as the affairs of Ost Frise,and Saxe Lawemburg,etc.,and enter into no conversations upon those points;but,however,be as well at court as you possibly can;live at it,and make one of it.Should General Keith offer you civilities,do not decline them;but return them,however,without being 'enfant de la maison chez lui':say 'des chores flatteuses'of the Royal Family,and especially of his Prussian Majesty,to those who are the most like to repeat them.In short,make yourself well there,without making yourself ill SOMEWHERE ELSE.Make compliments from me to Algarotti,and converse with him in Italian.
I go next week to the Bath,for a deafness,which I have been plagued with these four or five months;and which I am assured that pumping my head will remove.This deafness,I own,has tried my patience;as it has cut me off from society,at an age when I had no pleasures but those left.In the meantime,I have,by reading and writing,made my eyes supply the defect of my ears.Madame H-----,I suppose,entertained both yours alike;however,I am very glad that you were well with her;for she is a good 'proneuse',and puffs are very useful to a young fellow at his entrance into the world.
If you should meet with Lord Pembroke again,anywhere,make him many compliments from me;and tell him that I should have written to him,but that I knew how troublesome an old correspondent must be to a young one.
He is much commended in the accounts from Hanover.
You will stay at Berlin just as long as you like it,and no longer;and from thence you are absolutely master of your own motions,either to The Hague,or to Brussels;but I think that you had better go to The Hague first,because that from thence Brussels will be in your way to Calais,which is a much better passage to England than from Helvoetsluys.The two courts of The Hague and Brussels are worth your seeing;and you will see them both to advantage,by means of Colonel Yorke and Dayrolles.
Adieu.Here is enough for this time.
