登陆注册
5486000000149

第149章 CHAPTER 45(3)

But she would not leave me this support. Independently of the moral evil of basing our hopes upon the death of another, who, if unfit for this world, was at least no less so for the next, and whose amelioration would thus become our bane and his greatest transgression our greatest benefit,--she maintained it to be madness: many men of Mr. Huntingdon's habits had lived to a ripe though miserable old age;-- `and if I,' said she, `am young in years I am old in sorrow; but even if trouble should fail to kill me before vice destroys him, think, if he reached but fifty years or so, would you wait twenty or fifteen--in vague uncertainty and suspense--through all the prime of youth and manhood--and marry at last a woman faded and worn as I shall be--without ever having seen me from this day to that?--You would not,' she continued, interrupting my earnest protestations of unfailing constancy,-- `or if you would you should not.

Trust me, Gilbert; in this matter I know better than you. You think me cold and stony hearted, and you may, but--'

`I don't Helen.'

`Well, never mind; you might if you would--but I have not spent my solitude in utter idleness, and I am not speaking now from the impulse of the moment as you do: I have thought of all these matters again and again; I have argued these questions with myself, and pondered well our past, and present, and future career; and, believe me, I have come to the right conclusion at last. Trust my words rather than your own feelings, now, and in a few years you will see that I was right--though at present I hardly can see it myself,' she murmured with a sigh as she rested her head on her hand.-- `And don't argue against me any more: all you can say has been already said by my own heart and refuted by my reason. It was hard enough to combat those suggestions as they were whispered within me; in your mouth they are ten times worse, and if you knew how much they pain me you would cease at once, I know. If you knew my present feelings, you would even try to relieve them at the expense of your own.

`I will goon a minute, if that can relieve you--and NEVER return!' said I with bitter emphasis.-- `But, if we may never meet, and never hope to meet again, is it a crime to exchange our thoughts by letter?

May not kindred spirits meet, and mingle in communion whatever be the fate and circumstances of their earthly tenements?'

`They may, they may!' cried she with a momentary burst of glad enthusiasm. `I thought of that too, Gilbert, but I feared to mention it, because I feared you would not understand my views upon the subject--I fear it even now--I fear any kind friend would tell us we are both deluding ourselves with the idea of keeping up a spiritual intercourse without hope or prospect of anything further--without fostering vain regrets and hurtful aspirations, and feeding thoughts that should be sternly and pitilessly left to perish of inanition--'

`Never mind our kind friends: if they can part our bodies, it is enough; in God's name, let them not sunder our souls!' cried I, in terror lest she should deem it her duty to deny us this last remaining consolation.

`But no letters can pass between us here,' said she, `without giving fresh food for scandal; and when I departed, I had intended that my new abode should be unknown to you as to the rest of the world; not that I should doubt your word if you promised not to visit me, but I thought you would be more tranquil in your own mind if you knew you could not do it; and likely to find less difficulty in abstracting yourself from me if you could not picture my situation to your mind. But listen,' said she, smilingly putting up her finger to check my impatient reply: `in six months you shall hear from Frederick precisely where I am; and if you still retain your wish to write to me, and think you can maintain a correspondence all thought, all spirit--such as disembodied souls or unimpassioned friends, at least, might hold,--write, and I will answer you.'

`Six months!'

`Yes, to give your present ardour time to cool and try the truth and constancy of your soul's love for mine. And now, enough has been said between us.--Why can't we part at once!' exclaimed she almost wildly, after a moment's pause, as she suddenly rose from her chair with her hands resolutely clasped together. I thought it was my duty to go without delay; and I approached and half extended my hand as if to take leave; she grasped it in silence.

But this thought of final separation was too intolerable: it seemed to squeeze the blood out of my heart; and my feet were glued to the floor.

`And must we never meet again?' I murmured in the anguish of my soul.

`We shall meet in Heaven. Let us think of that,' said she in a tone of desperate calmness; but her eyes glittered wildly, and her face was deadly pale.

`But not as we are now, I could not help replying. `It gives me little consolation to think I shall next behold you as a disembodied spirit, or an altered being, with a frame perfect and glorious, but not like this!--and a heart, perhaps, entirely estranged from me.

`No Gilbert, there is perfect love in Heaven!'

`So perfect, I suppose, that it soars above distinctions, and you will have no closer sympathy with me than with any one of the ten thousand thousand angels' and the innumerable multitude of happy spirits round us.'

`Whatever I am, you will be the same, and therefore, cannot possibly regret it; and whatever that change may be, we know it must be for the better.'

`But if I am to be so changed that I shall cease to adore you with my whole heart and soul, and love you beyond every other creature, I shall not be myself, and, though, if ever I win Heaven at all, I must, I know, be infinitely better and happier than I am now, my earthly nature cannot rejoice in the anticipation of such beatitude, from which itself and its chief joy must be excluded.'

`Is your love all earthly then?'

`No, but I am supposing we shall have no more intimate communion with each other, than with the rest.'

同类推荐
  • 沙门日用

    沙门日用

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 纳兰家族墓碑铭文

    纳兰家族墓碑铭文

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 阿毗昙五法行经

    阿毗昙五法行经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 天厨禁脔

    天厨禁脔

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • Machiavelli

    Machiavelli

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 其实就是懂幽默

    其实就是懂幽默

    怎样的建议才更有效?如何回应才能摆脱尴尬的场面?怎样拒绝才能不伤人?本书告诉你,一针见血的真心话,不一定非要板起面孔严肃地说出来,轻松幽默地表达,效果会更好;面对他人的出言不逊,与其暴跳如雷、针锋相对,不如用一句幽默而颇含深意的话让其有口难辩;拒绝别人的无理要求时,不需要强硬,用幽默的话语加以暗示,既能博人一笑,又引人深思……幽默能打破思维定式,穿越情绪的防火墙,把僵硬的语言变得婉转,把黑白的语言变得多彩。幽默,是化解困境的有力武器。
  • 岁月不负我深情

    岁月不负我深情

    从认识贺逸城的那一天开始,方夕就想着嫁给她。可当她穿上洁白的婚纱,新郎却不是他。七年婚姻,犹若牢笼。她守着执念,爱他如狂。却不知,她一直在他心尖上。
  • 星海机王

    星海机王

    时隔三个世纪,史诗年代重临。神秘的母舰穿越无数光年,驾临左天星域。外骨骼装甲的锋锐,斩破了星盟旧日的承平。五大家族的阴影,时时刻刻笼罩在万民之上。【太空堡垒,彼岸进化的秘辛,两次文明大破灭的残余,星际战争的重启…】背负千万巨债的少年,就在这么一个波澜壮阔的年代里,踏着坚韧的脚步,扛着两个国度的炮火,成长为这片星海中……最强的机王。
  • 往事在记忆里流浪

    往事在记忆里流浪

    《往事在记忆里流浪》精选了传奇的侠道诗人王琪博创作的近百首诗歌,大多数篇幅短小精悍,出语雄奇,展示了大学生诗派旗手的创作魅力和才华,也展现了他2005年重新开始诗歌创作后的风采。所选诗歌涵盖王琪博整个创作时间段,是了解王琪博诗歌创作和学习现代诗歌写作的不错参考读本。
  • 头脑驾驭财富:犹太人的成功理念和财富智慧(犹太智慧典藏书系 第三辑08)

    头脑驾驭财富:犹太人的成功理念和财富智慧(犹太智慧典藏书系 第三辑08)

    《头脑驾驭财富:犹太人的成功理念和财富智慧》众所周知,犹太商人是公认的“世界第一商人”,犹太生意经和犹太式管理是千年不衰的智慧与实践。以犹太人占主体的以色列,财商教育被上升到国家战略的高度,理财教育已成为犹太孩子走向世界取得成功最重要的教育领域。作者研究犹太文化20多年,先后6次探访以色列,写过20多本专著,并于2015年开始在内蒙古创办“中以创新创业示范园”,推动教育改革。
  • 神道之御水神女

    神道之御水神女

    这是一个,一滴有意识的水滴落入废物王妃的身体,从此成为她的故事。她是人人唾弃的废物王妃,连炼体境都不是的废物。它是一滴历经千万年长出意识的神水,看尽世间百态,唯一不懂的只有人类口中的情。当它成为她,体内污浊尽除,从此拥有最纯净的体质,直接跨过炼体境,成为人人羡艳的炼气境高手。丹药,药茶什么的,谁能有她炼的更纯净?功法?术法?最低级的都能被她推演为高级功法。然鹅这个王爷干嘛老是嘴对嘴吸她的气,咬她的嘴?可她偏偏推不开他,嘤嘤嘤。
  • 罗素思想小品

    罗素思想小品

    本书为上海社会科学院张广勇教授对罗素最富有思想性和可读性的作品的翻译、选编、解说。其内容涉及罗素关于人生、成长、道德、修养、游历、家庭、婚姻、教育、文化、哲学、历史、社会和政治等各个方面的思考和观点。
  • 无顾不论凌云

    无顾不论凌云

    凌家覆灭,凌家大小姐沦为阶下囚。重生后,凌宫芸发誓要改变凌家结局。大小姐回归,说好了让我来撕仇敌的呢,怎么仇敌被你们撕了?说好的让我来爱你们,怎么就变成了团宠?父母宠,哥哥宠,弟弟也宠,要命的是后面还有个紧追不舍的男人。而在他们认为一切尘埃落定之时,却发现有更大的责任等着他们……
  • 特工小妞入我怀

    特工小妞入我怀

    作为number的杀手遭到反杀之后退出其中,藏匿学校,为低调行事故意带上大眼镜,后被众多帅哥追求,迫不得已再一次回归杀手的世界,爱情,友情,兄弟情,为了生存,到底要付出多少?众多帅哥又有哪一个可以得到她的亲睐呢?
  • 女配不想被炮灰

    女配不想被炮灰

    修仙女配哪家强?!穆凉惜醒来发现自己成了一个小女娃,而且还是穿进了跟自己同名的女配里,算了算了,既来之则安之,她便开启了自己的修仙之旅。【无cp,女主靠自己的实力哦!】