Give it a name, I beg." "Telling the truth then, ma'am," says Mrs. Harris, "and shaming him as shall be nameless betwixt you and me, never did I think till I know'd you, as any woman could sick-nurse and monthly likeways, on the little that you takes to drink." "Mrs. Harris," I says to her, "none on us knows what we can do till we tries; and wunst, when me and Gamp kept ouse, I thought so too. But now," I says, "my half a pint of porter fully satisfies; perwisin', Mrs. Harris, that it is brought reg'lar, and draw'd mild. Whether I sicks or monthlies, ma'am, I hope I does my duty, but I am but a poor woman, and I earns my living hard; therefore I do require it, which I makes confession, to be brought reg'lar and draw'd mild."'
The precise connexion between these observations and the glass of rum, did not appear; for Mrs. Gamp proposing as a toast `The best of lucks to all!' took off the dram in quite a scientific manner, without any further remarks.
`And what's your news, Mrs. Gamp?' asked Mould again, as that lady wiped her lips upon her shawl, and nibbled a corner off a soft biscuit, which she appeared to carry in her pocket as a provision against contingent drams.
`How's Mr. Chuffey?'
`Mr. Chuffey, sir,' she replied, `is jest as usual; he an't no better and he an't no worse. I take it very kind in the gentleman to have wrote up to you and said, "let Mrs. Gamp take care of him till I come home;" but ev'ry think he does is kind. There an't a many like him. If there was, we shouldn't want no churches.'
`What do you want to speak to me about, Mrs. Gamp?' said Mould, coming to the point.
`Jest this, sir,' Mrs. Gamp returned, `with thanks to you for asking.
There is a gent, sir, at the Bull in Holborn, as has been took ill there, and is bad abed. They have a day nurse as was recommended from Bartholomew's; and well I knows her, Mr. Mould, hername bein' Mrs. Prig, the best of creeturs.
But she is otherways engaged at night, and they are in wants of night-watching; consequent she says to them, having reposed the greatest friendliness in me for twenty year, "The soberest person going, and the best of blessings in a sick room, is Mrs. Gamp. Send a boy to Kingsgate Street," she says, "and snap her up at any price, for Mrs. Gamp is worth her weight and more in goldian guineas." My landlord brings the message down to me, and says, "bein' in a light place where you are, and this job promising so well, why not unite the two?" "No, sir," I says, "not unbeknown to Mr. Mould, and therefore do not think it. But I will go to Mr. Mould," I says, "and ast him, if you like."' Here she looked sideways at the undertaker, and came to a stop.
`Night-watching, eh?' said Mould, rubbing his chin.
`From eight o'clock till eight, sir. I will not deceive you,' Mrs. Gamp rejoined.
`And then go back, eh?' said would.
`Quite free then, sir, to attend to Mr. Chuffey. His ways bein' quiet, and his hours early, he'd be abed, sir, nearly all the time. I will not deny,' said Mrs. Gamp with meekness, `that I am but a poor woman, and that the money is a object; but do not let that act upon you, Mr. Mould. Rich folks may ride on camels, but it ain't so easy for 'em to see out of a needle's eye. That is my comfort, and I hope I knows it.'
`Well, Mrs. Gamp,' observed Mould, `I don't see any particular objection to your earning an honest penny under such circumstances. I should keep it quiet, I think, Mrs. Gamp. I wouldn't mention it to Mr. Chuzzlewit on his return, for instance, unless it were necessary, or he asked you point-blank.'
`The very words was on my lips, sir,' Mrs. Gamp rejoined. `Suppoging that the gent should die, I hope I might take the liberty of saying as I know'd some one in the undertaking, line, and yet give no offence to you, sir?'
`Certainly, Mrs. Gamp,' said Mould, with much condescension. `You may casually remark, in such a case, that we do the thing pleasantly and in a great variety of styles, and are generally considered to make it as agreeable as possible to the feelings of the survivors. But don't obtrude it, don't obtrude it. Easy, easy! My dear you may as well give Mrs. Gamp a card or two, if you please.'
Mrs. Gamp received them, and scenting no more rum in the wind (for the bottle was locked up again) rose to take her departure.
`Wishing ev'ry happiness to this happy family,' said Mrs. Gamp `with all my heart. Good arternoon, Mrs. Mould! If I was Mr. would I should be jealous of you, ma'am; and I'am sure, if I was you, I should be jealous of Mr. Mould.'
`Tut, tut! Bah, bah! Go along, Mrs. Gamp!' cried the delighted undertaker.
`As to the young ladies,' said Mrs. Gamp, dropping a curtsey, `bless their sweet looks -- how they can ever reconsize it with their duties to be so grown up with such young parents, it an't for sech as me to give a guess at.'
`Nonsense, nonsense. Be off, Mrs. Gamp!' cried Mould. But in the height of his gratification he actually pinched Mrs. Mould as he said it.
`I'll tell you what, my dear,' he observed, when Mrs. Gamp had at last withdrawn and shut the door, `that's a ve-ry shrewd woman. That's a woman whose intellect is immensely superior to her station in life. That's a woman who observes and reflects in an uncommon manner. She's the sort of woman now,' said Mould, drawing his silk handkerchief over his head again, and composing himself for a nap `one would almost feel disposed to bury for nothing: and do it neatly, too!'
Mrs. Mould and her daughters fully concurred in these remarks; the subject of which had by this time reached the street, where she experienced so much inconvenience from the air, that she was obliged to stand under an archway for a short time, to recover herself. Even after this precaution, she walked so unsteadily as to attract the compassionate regards of divers kind-hearted boys, who took the liveliest interest in her disorder; and in their simple language bade her be of good cheer, for she was `only a little screwed.'
