'It's a Far, Far Better Thing that I do, than I have Ever Done'
Although Owen, Easton and Crass and a few others were so lucky as to have had a little work to do during the last few months, the majority of their fellow workmen had been altogether out of employment most of the time, and meanwhile the practical business-men, and the pretended disciples of Christ - the liars and hypocrites who professed to believe that all men are brothers and God their Father - had continued to enact the usual farce that they called `Dealing' with the misery that surrounded them on every side.They continued to organize `Rummage' and `Jumble' sales and bazaars, and to distribute their rotten cast-off clothes and boots and their broken victuals and soup to such of the Brethren as were sufficiently degraded to beg for them.
The beautiful Distress Committee was also in full operation; over a thousand Brethren had registered themselves on its books.Of this number - after careful investigation - the committee had found that no fewer than six hundred and seventy-two were deserving of being allowed to work for their living.The Committee would probably have given these six hundred and seventy-two the necessary permission, but it was somewhat handicapped by the fact that the funds at its disposal were only sufficient to enable that number of Brethren to be employed for about three days.However, by adopting a policy of temporizing, delay, and general artful dodging, the Committee managed to create the impression that they were Dealing with the Problem.
If it had not been for a cunning device invented by Brother Rushton, a much larger number of the Brethren would have succeeded in registering themselves as unemployed on the books of the Committee.In previous years it had been the practice to issue an application form called a `Record Paper' to any Brother who asked for one, and the Brother returned it after filling it in himself.At a secret meeting of the Committee Rushton proposed - amid laughter and applause, it was such a good joke - a new and better way, calculated to keep down the number of applicants.The result of this innovation was that no more forms were issued, but the applicants for work were admitted into the office one at a time, and were there examined by a junior clerk, somewhat after the manner of a French Juge d'Instruction interrogating a criminal, the clerk filling in the form according to the replies of the culprit.
`What's your name?'
`Where do you live?'
`How long have you been living there?'
`Where did you live before you went there?'
`How long were you living at that place?'
`Why did you move?'
`Did you owe any rent when you left?'
`What was your previous address?'
`How old are you? When was your last birthday?'
`What is your Trade, Calling, Employment, or Occupation?'
`Are you Married or single or a Widower or what?'
`How many children have you? How many boys? How many girls? Do they go to work? What do they earn?'
`What kind of a house do you live in? How many rooms are there?'
`How much rent do you owe?'
`Who was your last employer? What was the foreman's name? How long did you work there? What kind of work did you do? Why did you leave?'
`What have you been doing for the last five years? What kind of work, how many hours a day? What wages did you get?'
`Give the full names and addresses of all the different employers you have worked for during the last five years, and the reasons why you left them?'
`Give the names of all the foremen you have worked under during the last five years?'
`Does your wife earn anything? How much?'
`Do you get any money from any Club or Society, or from any Charity, or from any other source?'
`Have you ever received Poor Relief?'
`Have you ever worked for a Distress Committee before?'
`Have you ever done any other kinds of work than those you have mentioned? Do you think you would be fit for any other kind'
`Have you any references?' and so on and so forth.
When the criminal had answered all the questions, and when his answers had all been duly written down, he was informed that a member of the Committee, or an Authorized Officer, or some Other Person, would in due course visit his home and make inquiries about him, after which the Authorized Officer or Other Person would make a report to the Committee, who would consider it at their next meeting.
As the interrogation of each criminal occupied about half an hour, to say nothing of the time he was kept waiting, it will be seen that as a means of keeping down the number of registered unemployed the idea worked splendidly.
When Rushton introduced this new rule it was carried unanimously, Dr Weakling being the only dissentient, but of course he - as Brother Grinder remarked - was always opposed to any sensible proposal.There was one consolation, however, Grinder added, they was not likely to be pestered with 'im much longer; the first of November was coming and if he - Grinder - knowed anything of working men they was sure to give Weakling the dirty kick out directly they got the chance.
A few days afterwards the result of the municipal election justified Brother Grinder's prognostications, for the working men voters of Dr Weakling's ward did give him the dirty kick out: but Rushton, Didlum, Grinder and several other members of the band were triumphantly returned with increased majorities.
Mr Dauber, of Dauber and Botchit, had already been elected a Guardian of the Poor.
