A miss is as good as her smile.
SADDUCEE A person holding skeptical religious views. Hopeless, hence sad you see.
SAILOR A man who makes his living on water but never touches it on shore.
SANDWICH An unsuccessful attempt to make both ends meat.
SAUSAGE An aftermath of the dog-days.
SCAFFOLD A work of art that rarely fails to get a hanging.
SCARECROW An operator who repeatedly corners corn, without caws.
SCORCHER A chauffeur in an all-fired hurry.
SCULPTOR A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts.
SELF-MADE Complimentary term for a respectable crook.
SHAMROCK A three-time loser as a racer at sea, but a four-time winner as an "ad." for tea--and Sir T.
SHEPHERD One who depends on a crook for a living.
SHIRT Every man's bosom friend.
SILVER A metallic form of opium, smoked by Presidential impossibilities.
SINNER A stupid person who gets found out.
SNAP A brisk, energetic quality that enables a man with ginger to take the cake.
SNORE An unfavorable report from headquarters.
SOROSIS A female gas company that lays its pipes on cultivated grounds.
SPAGHETTI A table-dish eaten only by Italians and jugglers. From Lat. spadix, branch, or fork, and gestamen, burden. A burden for the fork.
SPIDER A busy weaver and a good correspondent, who drops a line by every post.
STARS The greatest astronomers known, having studded the heavens for ages.
STAYS A sort of straight-jacket employed in reforming women.
STOCKINGS Woman's only savings for A Rainy Day.
STOCKS An unreliable commodity bought and sold by gamblers. If you win, it's an investment; if you lose, a speculation.
STOVE-PIPE A movable cylinder used as a receptacle for smoke and profanity.
SPRING Formerly a very delightful season but now obsolete except in poetry and the Old Farmer's Almanac.
SPINSTER An ember from which the sparks have flown.
SUBWAY In Boston, a place where one may enjoy continuous disturbance of the peace, disorderly conduct, assault and battery, riot and rebellion. These events are allowed by law, and the entry-fee is five cents.
SUCCESS A goal usually reached by those who employ their time in cultivating a more definite aim in life rather than in searching for a larger target.
SUMMER An oppressive and expensive season invented by rural cottage and hotel owners, railroad and steamboat companies and the Iceman.
SUN A yellow arrival from Way Down East, who goes west daily, operates a heating and lighting trust, draws water, prints pictures, develops crops, liquidates the ice business and tans skins on the side. Profits by his daily rays and always has a shine.
SYMPATHY Feeling for others very noticeable in Blind Man's Buff.
SYNDICATE A conspiracy to extend the modest business established by Captain Kidd.
Fortune knocks only once at a man's door--And she's the worst Knocker in the world.
