The Conference between Don Diego and John Bull.
During the time of the foregoing transactions, Don Diego was entertaining John Bull.
DON DIEGO.--I hope, sir, this day's proceeding will convince you of the sincerity of your old friend Diego, and the treachery of Sir Roger.
JOHN BULL.--What's the matter now?
DON DIEGO.--You have been endeavouring, for several years, to have justice done upon that rogue Jack, but, what through the remissness of constables, justices, and packed juries, he has always found the means to escape.
JOHN BULL.--What then?
DON DIEGO.--Consider, then, who is your best friend: he that would have brought him to condign punishment, or he that has saved him?
By my persuasion Jack had hanged himself, if Sir Roger had not cut him down.
JOHN BULL.--Who told you that Sir Roger has done so?
DON DIEGO.--You seem to receive me coldly: methinks my services deserve a better return.
JOHN BULL.--Since you value yourself upon hanging this poor scoundrel, I tell you, when I have any more hanging work, I'll send for thee: I have some better employment for Sir Roger. In the meantime, I desire the poor fellow may be looked after. When he first came out of the north country into my family, under the pretended name of Timothy Trim, the fellow seemed to mind his loom and his spinning-wheel, till somebody turned his head; then he grew so pragmatical, that he took upon him the government of my whole family: I could never order anything, within or without doors, but he must be always giving his counsel, forsooth: nevertheless, tell him I will forgive what is past; and if he would mind his business for the future, and not meddle out of his own sphere, he will find that John Bull is not of a cruel disposition.
DON DIEGO.--Yet all your skilful physicians say that nothing can recover your mother but a piece of Jack's liver boiled in her soup.
JOHN BULL.--Those are quacks. My mother abhors such cannibals' food. She is in perfect health at present. I would have given many a good pound to have had her so well some time ago.* There are indeed two or three troublesome old nurses that, because they believe I am tender-hearted, will never let me have a quiet night's rest with knocking me up: "Oh, sir, your mother is taken extremely ill; she is fallen into a fainting fit; she has a great emptiness, wants sustenance." This is only to recommend themselves for their great care. John Bull, as simple as he is, understands a little of a pulse.
* New clamours about the danger of the Church.
