When the party broke up,Lydia returned with Mrs Forster to Meryton,from whence they were to set out early the next morning.The separation between her and her family was rather noisy than pathetic.Kitty was the only one who shed tears;but she did weep from vexation and envy.Mrs Bennet was diffuse in her good wishes for the felicity of her daughter,and impressive in her injunctions that she would not miss the opportunity of enjoying herself as much as possible;advice,which there was every reason to believe would be attended to;and in the clamorous happiness of Lydia herself in bidding farewell,the more gentle adieus of her sisters were uttered without being heard.
Chapter 42
Had Elizabeth's opinion been all drawn from her own family,she could not have formed a very pleasing picture of conjugal felicity or domestic comfort.Her father,captivated by youth and beauty,and that appearance of good humour which youth and beauty generally give,had married a woman whose weak understanding and illiberal mind had,very early in their marriage,put an end to all real affection,for her.Respect,esteem,and confidence had vanished for ever;and all his views of domestic happiness were overthrown.But Mr Bennet was not of a disposition to seek comfort,for the disappointment which his own imprudence had brought on,in any of those pleasures which too often console the unfortunate for their folly or their vice.He was fond of the country and of books;and from these tastes had arisen his principal enjoyments.To his wife he was very little otherwise indebted,than as her ignorance and folly had contributed to his amusement.This is not the sort of happiness which a man would in general wish to owe to his wife;but where other powers of entertainment are wanting,the true philosopher will derive benefit from such as are given.
Elizabeth,however,had never been blind to the impropriety of her father's behaviour as a husband.She had always seen it with pain;but respecting his abilities,and grateful for his affectionate treatment of herself,she endeavoured to forget what she could not overlook,and to banish from her thoughts that continual breach of conjugal obligation and decorum which,in exposing his wife to the contempt of her own children,was so highly reprehensible.But she had never felt so strongly as now,the disadvantages which must attend the children of so unsuitable a marriage,nor ever been so fully aware of the evils arising from so ill judged a direction of talents;talents which,rightly used,might at least have preserved the respectability of his daughters,even if incapable of enlarging the mind of his wife.
When Elizabeth had rejoiced over Wickham's departure,she found little other cause for satisfaction in the loss of the regiment.Their parties abroad were less varied than before;and at home she had a mother and sister whose constant repinings at the dulness of every thing around them threw a real gloom over their domestic circle;and,though Kitty might in time regain her natural degree of sense,since the disturbers of her brain were removed,her other sister,from whose disposition greater evil might be apprehended,was likely to be hardened in all her folly and assurance by a situation of such double danger as a watering place and a camp.Upon the whole,therefore,she found what has been sometimes found before,that an event to which she had looked forward with impatient desire,did not,in taking place,bring all the satisfaction she had promised herself.It was consequently necessary to name some other period for the commencement of actual felicity;to have some other point on which her wishes and hopes might be fixed,and by again enjoying the pleasure of anticipation,console herself for the present,and prepare for another disappointment.Her tour to the Lakes was now the object of her happiest thoughts;it was her best consolation for all the uncomfortable hours which the discontentedness of her mother and Kitty made inevitable;and could she have included Jane in the scheme,every part of it would have been perfect.
‘But it is fortunate,’thought she,‘that I have something to wish for.Were the whole arrangement complete,my disappointment would be certain.But here,by my carrying with me one ceaseless source of regret in my sister's absence,I may reasonably hope to have all my expectations of pleasure realized.A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful;and general disappointment is only warded off by the defence of some little peculiar vexation.’
When Lydia went away,she promised to write very often and very minutely to her mother and Kitty;but her letters were always long expected,and always very short.Those to her mother contained little else,than that they were just returned from the library,where such and such officers had attended them,and where she had seen such beautiful ornaments as made her quite wild;that she had a new gown,or a new parasol,which she would have described more fully,but was obliged to leave off in a violent hurry,as Mrs Forster called her,and they were going to the camp;-and from her correspondence with her sister,there was still less to be learnt-for her letters to Kitty,though rather longer,were much too full of lines under the words to be made public.
