You had to get on without it,and hold your own;which was all very well if you were of the same class and race.Then you could keep yourself cold and be very estimable,and hold your own,and enjoy the satisfaction of holding it.But if you were of another class and another race it wouldn't do;there was no fun merely holding your own,and feeling you belonged to the ruling class.What was the point,when even the smartest aristocrats had really nothing positive of their own to hold,and their rule was really a farce,not rule at all?What was the point?It was all cold nonsense.
A sense of rebellion smouldered in Connie.What was the good of it all?
What was the good of her sacrifice,her devoting her life to Clifford?
What was she serving,after all?A cold spirit of vanity,that had no warm human contacts,and that was as corrupt as any low-born Jew,in craving for prostitution to the bitch-goddess,Success.Even Clifford's cool and contactless assurance that he belonged to the ruling class didn't prevent his tongue lolling out of his mouth,as he panted after the bitch-goddess.
After all,Michaelis was really more dignified in the matter,and far,far more successful.Really,if you looked closely at Clifford,he was a buffoon,and a buffoon is more humiliating than a bounder.
As between the two men,Michaelis really had far more use for her than Clifford had.He had even more need of her.Any good nurse can attend to crippled legs!And as for the heroic effort,Michaelis was a heroic rat,and Clifford was very much of a poodle showing off.
There were people staying in the house,among them Clifford's Aunt Eva,Lady Bennerley.She was a thin woman of sixty,with a red nose,a widow,and still something of a grande dame.She belonged to one of the best families,and had the character to carry it off.Connie liked her,she was so perfectly simple and [rank,as far as she intended to be frank,and superficially kind.Inside herself she was a past-mistress in holding her own,and holding other people a little lower.She was not at all a snob:far too sure of herself.She was perfect at the social sport of coolly holding her own,and making other people defer to her.
She was kind to Connie,and tried to worm into her woman's soul with the sharp gimlet of her well-born observations.
'You're quite wonderful,in my opinion,'she said to Connie.'You've done wonders for Clifford.I never saw any budding genius myself,and there he is,all the rage.'Aunt Eva was quite complacently proud of Clifford's success.Another feather in the family cap!She didn't care a straw about his books,but why should she?
'Oh,I don't think it's my doing,'said Connie.
'It must be!Can't be anybody else's.And it seems to me you don't get enough out of it.'
'How?'
'Look at the way you are shut up here.I said to Clifford:If that child rebels one day you'll have yourself to thank!'
'But Clifford never denies me anything,'said Connie.
'Look here,my dear child'--and Lady Bennerley laid her thin hand on Connie's arm.'A woman has to live her life,or live to repent not having lived it.Believe me!'And she took another sip of brandy,which maybe was her form of repentance.
'But I do live my life,don't I?'
'Not in my idea!Clifford should bring you to London,and let you go about.His sort of friends are all right for him,but what are they for you?If I were you I should think it wasn't good enough.You'll let your youth slip by,and you'll spend your old age,and your middle age too,repenting it.'
Her ladyship lapsed into contemplative silence,soothed by the brandy.
But Connie was not keen on going to London,and being steered into the smart world by Lady Bennerley.She didn't feel really smart,it wasn't interesting.And she did feel the peculiar,withering coldness under it all;like the soil of Labrador,which his gay little flowers on its surface,and a foot down is frozen.
Tommy Dukes was at Wragby,and another man,Harry Winterslow,and Jack Strangeways with his wife Olive.The talk was much more desultory than when only the cronies were there,and everybody was a bit bored,for the weather was bad,and there was only billiards,and the pianola to dance to.
Olive was reading a book about the future,when babies would be bred in bottles,and women would be 'immunized'.
'Jolly good thing too!'she said.'Then a woman can live her own life.'
Strangeways wanted children,and she didn't.
'How'd you like to be immunized?'Winterslow asked her,with an ugly smile.
'I hope I am;naturally,'she said.'Anyhow the future's going to have more sense,and a woman needn't be dragged down by her functions .'
'Perhaps she'll float off into space altogether,'said Dukes.
'I do think sufficient civilization ought to eliminate a lot of the physical disabilities,'said Clifford.'All the love-business for example,it might just as well go.I suppose it would if we could breed babies in bottles.'
'No!'cried Olive.'That might leave all the more room for fun.'
'I suppose,'said Lady Bennerley,contemplatively,'if the love-business went,something else would take its place.Morphia,perhaps.A little morphine in all the air.It would be wonderfully refreshing for everybody.'
'The government releasing ether into the air on Saturdays,for a cheerful weekend!'said Jack.'Sounds all right,but where should we be by Wednesday?'
'So long as you can forget your body you are happy,'said Lady Bennerley.
'And the moment you begin to be aware of your body,you are wretched.So,if civilization is any good,it has to help us to forget our bodies,and then time passes happily without our knowing it.'
'Help us to get rid of our bodies altogether,'said Winterslow.'It's quite time man began to improve on his own nature,especially the physical side of it.'
'Imagine if we floated like tobacco smoke,'said Connie.
'It won't happen,'said Dukes.'Our old show will come flop;our civilization is going to fall.It's going down the bottomless pit,down the chasm.And believe me,the only bridge across the chasm will be the phallus!'
