She was very timid, and I was as much so as herself.The connection which this disposition common to both seemed to remove to a distance, was however rapidly formed.Our landlady perceiving its progress, became furious, and her brutality forwarded my affair with the young girl, who, having no person in the house except myself to give her the least support, was sorry to see me go from home, and sighed for the return of her protector.The affinity our hearts bore to each other, and the similarity of our dispositions, had soon their ordinary effect.She thought she saw in me an honest man, and in this she was not deceived.I thought I perceived in her a woman of great sensibility, simple in her manners, and devoid of all coquetry:-I was no more deceived in her than she in me.I began by declaring to her that I would never either abandon or marry her.Love, esteem, artless sincerity were the ministers of my triumph, and it was because her heart was tender and virtuous, that I was happy without being presuming.
The apprehensions she was under of my not finding in her that for which I sought, retarded my happiness more than every other circumstance.I perceived her disconcerted and confused before she yielded her consent, wishing to be understood and not daring to explain herself.Far from suspecting the real cause of her embarrassment, I falsely imagined it to proceed from another motive, a supposition highly insulting to her morals, and thinking she gave me to understand my health might be exposed to danger, I fell into so perplexed a state that, although it was no restraint upon me, it poisoned my happiness during several days.As we did not understand each other, our conversations upon this subject were so many enigmas more than ridiculous.She was upon the point of believing I was absolutely mad; and I on my part was as near not knowing what else to think of her.At last we came to an explanation; she confessed to me with tears the only fault of the kind of her whole life, immediately after she became nubile; the fruit of her ignorance and the address of her seducer.The moment I comprehended what she meant, I gave a shout of joy."Virginity!" exclaimed I; "sought for at Paris, and at twenty years of age! Ah, my Theresa! I am happy in possessing thee, virtuous and healthy as thou art, and in not finding that for which I never sought."At first, amusement was my only object; I perceived I had gone further, and had given myself a companion.A little intimate connection with this excellent girl, and a few reflections upon my situation, made me discover that, while thinking of nothing more than my pleasures, I had done a great deal towards my happiness.In the place of extinguished ambition, a lively sentiment, which had entire possession of my heart, was necessary to me.In a word, Iwanted a successor to mamma: since I was never again to live with her, it was necessary some person should live with her pupil, and a person, too, in whom I might find that simplicity and docility of mind and heart which she had found in me.It was, moreover, necessary that the happiness of domestic life should indemnify me for the splendid career I had just renounced.When I was quite alone there was a void in my heart, which wanted nothing more than another heart to fill it up.Fate had deprived me of this, or at least in part alienated me from that for which by nature I was formed.From that moment I was alone, for there never was for me the least thing intermediate between everything and nothing.I found in Theresa the supplement of which Istood in need; by means of her I lived as happily as I possibly could do, according to the course of events.
I first attempted to improve her mind.In this my pains were useless.Her mind is as nature formed it; it was not susceptible of cultivation.I do not blush in acknowledging she never knew how to read well, although she writes tolerably.When I went to lodge in the Rue Neuve-des-Petits-Champs, opposite to my windows at the Hotel de Pontchartrain, there was a sun-dial, on which for a whole month Iused all my efforts to teach her to know the hours; yet, she scarcely knows them at present.She never could enumerate the twelve months of the year in order, and cannot distinguish one numeral from another, notwithstanding all the trouble I took endeavoring to teach them to her.She neither knows how to count money, nor to reckon the price of anything.The word which when she speaks, presents itself to her mind, is frequently opposite to that of which she means to make use.I formerly made a dictionary of her phrases, to amuse M.de Luxembourg, and her qui pro quos often became celebrated among those with whom I was most intimate.But this person, so confined in her intellects, and, if the world pleases, so stupid, can give excellent advice in cases of difficulty.In Switzerland, in England, and in France, she frequently saw what I had not myself perceived; she has often given me the best advice I could possibly follow; she has rescued me from dangers into which I had blindly precipitated myself, and in the presence of princes and the great, her sentiments, good sense, answers, and conduct have acquired her universal esteem, and myself the most sincere congratulations on her merit.With persons whom we love, sentiment fortifies the mind as well as the heart; and they who are thus attached, have little need of searching for ideas elsewhere.
I lived with my Theresa as agreeably as with the finest genius in the world.Her mother, proud of having been brought up under the Marchioness of Monpipeau, attempted to be witty, wished to direct the judgment of her daughter, and by her knavish cunning destroyed the simplicity of our intercourse.
