"Therese," I said, as I threw myself into my easy-chair, "tell me if the little Coccoz is well, and whether he has got his first teeth yet--and bring me my slippers.""He ought to have them by this time, Monsieur," replied Therese;"but I never saw them.The very first fine day of spring the mother disappeared with the child, leaving furniture and clothes and everything behind her.They found thirty-eight empty pomade-pots in the attic.It passes all belief! She had visitors latterly; and you may be quite sure she is not now in a convent of nuns.The niece of the concierge says she saw her driving about in a carriage on the boulevards.I always told you she would end badly.""Therese," I replied, "that young woman has not ended either badly or well as yet.Wait until the term of her life is over before you judge her.And be careful not to talk too much with that concierge.
It seemed to me--though I only saw her for a moment on the stairs--that Madame Coccoz was very fond of her child.For that mother's love at least, she deserves credit.""As far as that goes, Monsieur, certainly the little one never wanted for anything.In all the Quarter one could not have found a child better kept, or better nourished, or more petted and coddled.Every day that God makes she puts a clean bib on him, and sings to him to make him laugh from morning till night.""Therese, a poet has said, 'That child whose mother has never smiled upon him is worthy neither of the table of the gods nor of the couch of the goddesses.'"July 8, 1852.
Having been informed that the Chapel of the Virgin at Saint-Germain-des-Pres was being repaved, I entered the church with the hope of discovering some old inscriptions, possibly exposed by the labours of the workmen.I was not disappointed.The architect kindly showed me a stone which he had just had raised up against the wall.
I knelt down to look at the inscription engraved upon that stone;and then, half aloud, I read in the shadow of the old apsis these words, which made my heart leap:
"Cy-gist Alexandre, moyne de ceste eglise, qui fist mettre en argent le menton de Saint-Vincent et de Saint-Amant et le pie des Innocens;qui toujours en son vivant fut preud'homme et vayllant.Priez pour l'ame de lui."I wiped gently away with my handkerchief the dust covering that gravestone; I could have kissed it.
"It is he! it is Alexander!" I cried out; and from the height of the vaults the name fell back upon me with a clang, as if broken.
The silent severity of the beadle, whom I saw advancing towards me, made me ashamed of my enthusiasm; and I fled between the two holy water sprinklers with which tow rival "rats d'eglise" seemed desirous of barring my way.
At all events it was certainly my own Alexander! there could be no more doubt possible; the translator of the "Golden Legend," the author of the saints lives of Saints Germain, Vincent, Ferreol, Ferrution, and Droctoveus was, just as I had supposed, a monk of Saint-Germain-des-Pres.And what a monk, too--pious and generous!
He had a silver chin, a silver head, and a silver foot made, that certain precious remains should be covered with an incorruptible envelope! But shall I never be able to view his handiwork? or is this new discovery only destined to increase my regrets?
August 20, 1859.
"I, that please some, try all; both joy and terror Of good and bad; that make and unfold error--Now take upon me, in the name of Time To use my wings.Impute it not a crime To me or my swift passage, that I slide O'er years."Who speaks thus? 'Tis an old man whom I know too well.It is Time.
Shakespeare, after having terminated the third act of the "Winter's Tale," pauses in order to leave time for little Perdita to grow up in wisdom and in beauty; and when he raises the curtain again he evokes the ancient Scythe-bearer upon the stage to render account to the audience of those many long days which have weighted down upon the head of the jealous Leontes.
Like Shakespeare in his play, I have left in this diary of mine a long interval to oblivion; and after the fashion of the poet, I make Time himself intervene to explain the omission of ten whole years.
Ten whole years, indeed, have passed since I wrote one single line in this diary; and now that I take up the pen again, I have not the pleasure, alas! to describe a Perdita "now grown in grace." Youth and beauty are the faithful companions of poets; but those charming phantoms scarcely visit the rest of us, even for the space of a season.We do not know how to retain them with us.If the fair shade of some Perdita should ever, through some inconceivable whim, take a notion to traverse my brain, she would hurt herself horribly against heaps of dog-eared parchments.Happy the poets!--their white hairs never scare away the hovering shades of Helens, Francescas, Juliets, Julias, and Dorotheas! But the nose alone of Sylvestre Bonnard would put to flight the whole swarm of love's heroines.
Yet I, like others, have felt beauty; I have known that mysterious charm which Nature has lent to animate form; and the clay which lives has given to me that shudder of delight which makes the lover and the poet.But I have never known either how to love or how to sing.Now in my memory--all encumbered as it is with the rubbish of old texts--I can discern again, like a miniature forgotten in some attic, a certain bright young face, with violet eyes....Why, Bonnard, my friend, what an old fool you are becoming! Read that catalogue which a Florentine bookseller sent you this very morning.
It is a catalogue of Manuscripts; and he promises you a description of several famous ones, long preserved by the collectors of Italy and Sicily.There is something better suited to you, something more in keeping with your present appearance.
I read; I cry out! Hamilcar, who has assumed with the approach of age an air of gravity that intimidates me, looks at me reproachfully, and seems to ask me whether there is any rest in this world, since he cannot enjoy it beside me, who am old also like himself.
