Before I took leave I requested her to appoint another rendezvous for the next day, which she postponed for three days, adding, with a satirical smile, that I must needs be in want of repose.I was very ill at ease during the interval; my heart was full of her charms and graces; I felt my extravagance, and reproached myself with it, regretting the loss of the moments I had so ill employed, and which, had I chosen, I might have rendered more agreeable than any in my whole life; waiting with the most burning impatience for the moment in which I might repair the loss, and yet, notwithstanding all my reasoning upon what I had discovered, anxious to reconcile the perfections of this adorable girl with the indignity of her situation.
I ran, I flew to her apartment at the hour appointed.I know not whether or not her ardor would have been more satisfied with this visit, her pride at least would have been flattered by it, and Ialready rejoiced at the idea of my convincing her, in every respect, that I knew how to repair the wrongs I had done.She spared me this justification.The gondolier whom I had sent to her apartment brought me for answer that she had set off, the evening before, for Florence.If I had not felt all the love I had for her person when this was in my possession, I felt it in the most cruel manner on losing her.Amiable and charming as she was in my eyes, I could have consoled myself for the loss of her; but this I have never been able to do relative to the contemptuous idea which at her departure she must have had of me.
These are my two adventures.The eighteen months I passed at Venice furnished me with no other of the same kind, except a simple prospect at most.Carrio was a gallant.Tired of visiting girls engaged to others, he took a fancy to have one to himself, and, as we were inseparable, he proposed to me an arrangement common enough at Venice, which was to keep one girl for us both.To this I consented.
The question was, to find one who was safe.He was so industrious in his researches that he found out a little girl of from eleven to twelve years of age, whom her infamous mother was endeavoring to sell, and I went with Carrio to see her.The sight of the child moved me to the most lively compassion.She was fair and as gentle as a lamb.
Nobody would have taken her for an Italian.Living is very cheap at Venice; we gave a little money to the mother and provided for the subsistence of her daughter.She had a voice, and to procure her some resource we gave her a spinnet, and a singing-master.All these expenses did not cost each of us more than two sequins a month, and we contrived to save a much greater sum in other matters; but as we were obliged to wait until she became of a riper age, this was sowing a long time before we could possibly reap.However, satisfied with passing our evenings, chatting and innocently playing with the child, we perhaps enjoyed greater pleasure than if we had received the last favors.So true is it that men are more attached to women by a certain pleasure they have in living with them, than by any kind of libertinism.My heart became insensibly attached to the little Anzoletta, but my attachment was paternal, in which the senses had so little share, that in proportion as the former increased, to have connected it with the latter would have been less possible; and I felt I should have experienced, at approaching this little creature when become nubile, the same horror with which the abominable crime of incest would have inspired me.I perceived the sentiments of Carrio take, unobserved by himself, exactly the same turn.We thus prepared for ourselves, without intending it, pleasure not less delicious, but very different from that of which we first had an idea; and I am fully persuaded that however beautiful the poor child might have become, far from being the corrupters of her innocence we should have been the protectors of it.The circumstance which shortly afterwards befell me deprived me of the happiness of taking part in this good work, and my only merit in the affair was the inclination of my heart.
I will now return to my journey.
My first intention after leaving M.de Montaigu, was to retire to Geneva, until time and more favorable circumstances should have removed the obstacles which prevented my union with my poor mamma; but the quarrel between me and M.de Montaigu being become public, and he having had the folly to write about it to the court, I resolved to go there to give an account of my conduct and complain of that of a madman.I communicated my intention, from Venice, to M.du Theil, charged per interim with foreign affairs after the death of M.Amelot.
I set off as soon as my letter, and took my route through Bergamo, Como, and Duomo d'Ossola, and crossing the Simplon.At Sion, M.de Chaignon, charge des affaires from France, showed me great civility;at Geneva M.de la Closure treated me with the same polite attention.I there renewed my acquaintance with M.de Gauffecourt from whom I had some money to receive.I had passed through Nyon without going to see my father; not that this was a matter of indifference to me, but because I was unwilling to appear before my mother-in-law, after the disaster which had befallen me, certain of being condemned by her without being heard.The bookseller, Du Villard, an old friend of my father's, reproached me severely with this neglect.I gave him my reasons for it, and to repair my fault, without exposing myself to meet my mother-in-law, I took a chaise and we went together to Nyon and stopped at a public house.Du Villard went to fetch my father, who came running to embrace me.We supped together, and, after passing an evening very agreeable to the wishes of my heart, I returned the next morning to Geneva with Du Villard, for whom I have ever since retained a sentiment of gratitude in return for the service he did me on this occasion.
