‘It is too much!O Willoughby,Willoughby,could this be yours!Cruel,cruel-nothing can acquit you.Elinor,nothing can.Whatever he might have heard against me-ought he not to have suspended his belief?ought he not to have told me of it,to have given me the power of clearing myself?“The lock of hair”(repeating it from the letter),“which you so obligingly bestowed on me”-that is unpardonable.Willoughby,where was your heart when you wrote those words?Oh!barbarously insolent!-Elinor,can he be justified?’
‘No,Marianne,in no possible way.’
‘And yet this woman-who knows what her art may have been-how long it may have been premeditated,and how deeply contrived by her!-Who is she?-Who can she be?-Whom did I ever hear him talk of as young and attractive among his female acquaintance?-Oh!no one,no one-he talked to me only of myself.’
Another pause ensued;Marianne was greatly agitated,and it ended thus-
‘Elinor,I must go home.I must go and comfort mama.Cannot we be gone tomorrow?’
‘Tomorrow,Marianne!’
‘Yes;why should I stay here?I came only for Willoughby's sake-and now who cares for me?Who regards me?’
‘It would be impossible to go tomorrow.We owe Mrs Jennings much more than civility;and civility of the commonest kind must prevent such a hasty removal as that.’
‘Well,then,another day or two perhaps;but I cannot stay here long,I cannot stay to endure the questions and remarks of all these people.The Middletons and Palmers-how am I to bear their pity?The pity of such a woman as Lady Middleton!-oh!what would he say to that!’
Elinor advised her to lie down again,and for a moment she did so;but no attitude could give her ease,and in restless pain of mind and body she moved from one posture to another,till growing more and more hysterical,her sister could with difficulty keep her on the bed at all,and for some time was fearful of being constrained to call for assistance.Some lavender drops,however,which she was at length persuaded to take,were of use;and from that time till Mrs Jennings returned,she continued on the bed quiet and motionless.
Chapter 30
Mrs Jennings came immediately to their room on her return,and without waiting to have her request of admittance answered,opened the door and walked in with a look of real concern.
‘How do you do,my dear?’said she,in a voice of great compassion,to Marianne,who turned away her face without attempting to answer.
‘How is she,Miss Dashwood?Poor thing!she looks very bad.No wonder.Aye,it is but too true.He is to be married very soon-a good-for-nothing fellow!I have no patience with him.Mrs Taylor told me of it half an hour ago,and she was told it by a particular friend of Miss Grey herself,else I am sure I should not have believed it;and I was almost ready to sink as it was.Well,said I,all I can say is,that if it is true,he had used a young lady of my acquaintance abominably ill,and I wish with all my soul his wife may plague his heart out.And so I shall always say,my dear,you may depend on it.I have no notion of men's going on in this way;and if ever I meet him again,I will give him such a dressing as he has not had this many a day.But there is one comfort,my dear Miss Marianne;he is not the only young man in the world worth having;and with your pretty face you will never want admirers.Well,poor thing!I won't disturb her any longer,for she had better have her cry out at once and have done with it.The Parrys and Sandersons luckily are coming tonight,you know,and that will amuse her.’
She then went away,walking on tiptoe out of the room,as if she supposed her young friend's affliction could be increased by noise.
Marianne,to the surprise of her sister,determined on dining with them.Elinor even advised her against it.But ‘no,she would go down;she could bear it very well,and the bustle about her would be less.’Elinor,pleased to have her governed for a moment by such a motive,though believing it hardly possible that she could sit out the dinner,said no more;and adjusting her dress for her as well as she could while Marianne still remained on the bed,was ready to assist her into the dining-room as soon as they were summoned to it.
When there,though looking most wretchedly,she ate more and was calmer than her sister had expected.Had she tried to speak,or had she been conscious of half Mrs Jennings's well-meant but ill-judged attentions to her,this calmness could not have been maintained;but not a syllable escaped her lips,and the abstraction of her thoughts preserved her in ignorance of everything that was passing before her.
Elinor,who did justice to Mrs Jennings's kindness though its effusions were often distressing,and sometimes almost ridiculous,made her those acknowledgments,and returned her those civilities,which her sister could not make or return for herself.Their good friend saw that Marianne was unhappy,and felt that everything was due to her which might make her at all less so.She treated her,therefore,with all the indulgent fondness of a parent towards a favourite child on the last day of its holidays.Marianne was to have the best place by the fire,was to be tempted to eat by every delicacy in the house,and to be amused by the relation of all the news of the day.Had not Elinor,in the sad countenance of her sister,seen a check to all mirth,she could have been entertained by Mrs Jennings's endeavours to cure a disappointment in love,by a variety of sweetmeats and olives,and a good fire.As soon,however,as the consciousness of all this was forced by continual repetition on Marianne,she could stay no longer.With a hasty exclamation of misery,and a sign to her sister not to follow her,she directly got up and hurried out of the room.
