‘I understand you.You do not suppose that I have ever felt much.For four months,Marianne,I have had all this hanging on my mind,without being at liberty to speak of it to a single creature;knowing that it would make you and my mother most unhappy whenever it were explained to you,yet unable to prepare you for it in the least.It was told me-it was in a manner forced on me by the very person herself whose prior engagement ruined all my prospects;and told me,as I thought,with triumph.This person's suspicions,therefore,I have had to oppose,by endeavouring to appear indifferent where I have been most deeply interested.And it has not been only once;I have had her hopes and exultation to listen to again and again.I have known myself to be divided from Edward for ever,without hearing one circumstance that could make me less desire the connection.Nothing has proved him unworthy;nor has anything declared him indifferent to me.I have had to contend against the unkindness of his sister,and the insolence of his mother,and have suffered the punishment of an attachment without enjoying its advantages.And all this has been going on at a time when,as you too well know,it has not been my only unhappiness.If you can think me capable of ever feeling-surely you may suppose that I have suffered now.The composure of mind with which I have brought myself at present to consider the matter,the consolation that I have been willing to admit,have been the effect of constant and painful exertion;-they did not spring up of themselves;they did not occur to relieve my spirits at first,-no,Marianne.Then,if I had not been bound to silence,perhaps nothing could have kept me entirely-not even what I owed to my dearest friends-from openly showing that I was very unhappy.’
Marianne was quite subdued.
‘Oh!Elinor,’she cried,‘you have made me hate myself for ever.How barbarous have I been to you!-you,who have been my only comfort,who have borne with me in all my misery,who have seemed to be only suffering for me!-Is this my gratitude?Is this the only return I can make you?because your merit cries out upon myself,I have been trying to do it away.’
The tenderest caresses followed this confession.In such a frame of mind as she was now in,Elinor had no difficulty in obtaining from her whatever promise she required;and,at her request,Marianne engaged never to speak of the affair to anyone with the least appearance of bitterness;-to meet Lucy without betraying the smallest increase of dislike to her;-and even to see Edward himself,if chance should bring them together,without any diminution of her usual cordiality.These were great concessions,but where Marianne felt that she had injured,no reparation could be too much for her to make.
She performed her promise of being discreet to admiration.She attended to all that Mrs Jennings had to say upon the subject with an unchanging complexion,dissented from her in nothing,and was heard three times to say,‘Yes,ma'am.’She listened to her praise of Lucy with only moving from one chair to another,and when Mrs Jennings talked of Edward's affection,it cost her only a spasm in her throat.Such advances towards heroism in her sister,made Elinor feel equal to anything herself.
The next morning brought a farther trial of it,in a visit from their brother,who came with a most serious aspect to talk over the dreadful affair,and bring them news of his wife.
‘You have heard,I suppose,’said he with great solemnity,as soon as he was seated,‘of the very shocking discovery that took place under our roof yesterday.’
They all looked their assent;it seemed too awful a moment for speech.
‘Your sister,’he continued,‘has suffered dreadfully.Mrs Ferrars too-in short,it has been a scene of such complicated distress;but I will hope that the storm may be weathered without our being,any of us,quite overcome.Poor Fanny!she was in hysterics all yesterday.But I would not alarm you too much.Donavan says there is nothing materially to be apprehended;her constitution is a good one,and her resolution equal to anything.She has borne it all with the fortitude of an angel!She says she never shall think well of anybody again;and one cannot wonder at it,after being so deceived!-meeting with such ingratitude,where so much kindness had been shown,so much confidence had been placed.It was quite out of the benevolence of her heart that she had asked these young women to her house;merely because she thought they deserved some attention,were harmless,well-behaved girls,and would be pleasant companions;for otherwise we both wished very much to have invited you and Marianne to be with us,while your kind friend there was attending her daughter.And now to be so rewarded!“I wish with all my heart,”says poor Fanny in her affectionate way,“that we had asked your sisters instead of them.”’
Here he stopped to be thanked;which being done,he went on.
