‘I will not talk of my own happiness,’said he,‘great as it is,for I think only of yours.Compared with you,who has a right to be happy?I have almost grudged myself my own prior knowledge of what you ought to have known before all the world.I have not lost a moment,however.The post was late this morning,but there has not been since,a moment's delay.How impatient,how anxious,how wild I have been on the subject,I will not attempt to describe;how severely mortified,how cruelly disappointed,in not having it finished while I was in London!I was kept there from day to day in the hope of it,for nothing less dear to me than such an object would have detained me half the time from Mansfield.But though my uncle entered into my wishes with all the warmth I could desire,and exerted himself immediately,there were difficulties from the absence of one friend,and the engagements of another,which at last I could no longer bear to stay the end of,and knowing in what good hands I left the cause,I came away on Monday,trusting that many posts would not pass before I should be followed by such very letters as these.My uncle,who is the very best man in the world,has exerted himself,as I knew he would after seeing your brother.He was delighted with him.I would not allow myself yesterday to say how delighted,or to repeat half that the Admiral said in his praise.I deferred it all,till his praise should be proved the praise of a friend,as this day does prove it.Now I may say that even I could not require William Price to excite a greater interest,or be followed by warmer wishes and higher commendation,than were most voluntarily bestowed by my uncle,after the evening they passed together.’
‘Has this been all your doing then?’cried Fanny.‘Good Heaven!How very,very kind!Have you really-was it by your desire-I beg your pardon,but I am bewildered.Did Admiral Crawford apply?-How was it?-I am stupefied.’
Henry was most happy to make it more intelligible,by beginning at an earlier stage,and explaining very particularly what he had done.His last journey to London had been undertaken with no other view than that of introducing her brother in Hill Street,and prevailing on the Admiral to exert whatever interest he might have for getting him on.This had been his business.He had communicated it to no creature;he had not breathed a syllable of it even to Mary;while uncertain of the issue,he could not have borne any participation of his feelings,but this had been his business;and he spoke with such a glow of what his solicitude had been,and used such strong expressions,was so abounding in the deepest interest,in twofold motives,in views and wishes more than could be told,that Fanny could not have remained insensible of his drift,had she been able to attend;but her heart was so full and her senses still so astonished,that she could listen but imperfectly even to what he told her of William,and saying only when he paused,‘How kind!How very kind!Oh Mr Crawford,we are infinitely obliged to you.Dearest,dearest William!’she jumped up and moved in haste towards the door,crying out,‘I will go to my uncle.My uncle ought to know it as soon as possible.’But this could not be suffered.The opportunity was too fair,and his feelings too impatient.He was after her immediately.‘She must not go,she must allow him five minutes longer,’and he took her hand and led her back to her seat,and was in the middle of his further explanation,before she had suspected for what she was detained.When she did understand it,however,and found herself expected to believe that she had created sensations which his heart had never known before,and that everything he had done for William,was to be placed to the account of his excessive and unequalled attachment to her,she was exceedingly distressed,and for some moments unable to speak.She considered it all as nonsense,as mere trifling and gallantry,which meant only to deceive for the hour;she could not but feel that it was treating her improperly and unworthily,and in such a way as she had not deserved;but it was like himself,and entirely of a piece with what she had seen before;and she would not allow herself to show half the displeasure she felt,because he had been conferring an obligation,which no want of delicacy on his part could make a trifle to her.While her heart was still bounding with joy and gratitude on William's behalf,she could not be severely resentful of anything that injured only herself;and after having twice drawn back her hand,and twice attempted in vain to turn away from him,she got up and said only,with much agitation,‘Don't,Mr Crawford,pray don't.I beg you would not.This is a sort of talking which is very unpleasant to me.I must go away.I cannot bear it.’But he was still talking on,describing his affection,soliciting a return,and,finally,in words so plain as to bear but one meaning even to her,offering himself,hand,fortune,everything to her acceptance.It was so;he had said it.Her astonishment and confusion increased;and though still not knowing how to suppose him serious,she could hardly stand.He pressed for an answer.
‘No,no,no,’she cried,hiding her face.‘This is all nonsense.Do not distress me.I can hear no more of this.Your kindness to William makes me more obliged to you than words can express;but I do not want,I cannot bear,I must not listen to such-No,no,don't think of me.But you are not thinking of me.I know it is all nothing.’
