You know me, Apemantus? APEMANTUS. Thou know'st I do; I call'd thee by thy name. TIMON. Thou art proud, Apemantus. APEMANTUS. Of nothing so much as that I am not like Timon. TIMON. Whither art going? APEMANTUS. To knock out an honest Athenian's brains. TIMON. That's a deed thou't die for. APEMANTUS. Right, if doing nothing be death by th' law. TIMON. How lik'st thou this picture, Apemantus? APEMANTUS. The best, for the innocence. TIMON. Wrought he not well that painted it? APEMANTUS. He wrought better that made the painter; and yet he's but a filthy piece of work. PAINTER. Y'are a dog. APEMANTUS. Thy mother's of my generation; what's she, if I be a dog? TIMON. Wilt dine with me, Apemantus? APEMANTUS. No; I eat not lords. TIMON. An thou shouldst, thou'dst anger ladies. APEMANTUS. O, they eat lords; so they come by great bellies. TIMON. That's a lascivious apprehension. APEMANTUS. So thou apprehend'st it take it for thy labour. TIMON. How dost thou like this jewel, Apemantus? APEMANTUS. Not so well as plain dealing, which will not cost a man a doit. TIMON. What dost thou think 'tis worth? APEMANTUS. Not worth my thinking. How now, poet! POET. How now, philosopher! APEMANTUS. Thou liest. POET. Art not one? APEMANTUS. Yes. POET. Then I lie not. APEMANTUS. Art not a poet? POET. Yes. APEMANTUS. Then thou liest. Look in thy last work, where thou hast feign'd him a worthy fellow. POET. That's not feign'd- he is so. APEMANTUS. Yes, he is worthy of thee, and to pay thee for thy labour. He that loves to be flattered is worthy o' th' flatterer. Heavens, that I were a lord! TIMON. What wouldst do then, Apemantus? APEMANTUS. E'en as Apemantus does now: hate a lord with my heart. TIMON. What, thyself? APEMANTUS. Ay. TIMON. Wherefore? APEMANTUS. That I had no angry wit to be a lord.- Art not thou a merchant? MERCHANT. Ay, Apemantus. APEMANTUS. Traffic confound thee, if the gods will not! MERCHANT. If traffic do it, the gods do it. APEMANTUS. Traffic's thy god, and thy god confound thee!
Trumpet sounds. Enter a MESSENGER
TIMON. What trumpet's that? MESSENGER. 'Tis Alcibiades, and some twenty horse, All of companionship. TIMON. Pray entertain them;give them guide to us. Exeunt some attendants You must needs dine with me. Go not you hence Till I have thank'd you. When dinner's done Show me this piece. I am joyful of your sights.
Enter ALCIBIADES, with the rest
Most welcome, sir! [They salute] APEMANTUS. So, so, there! Aches contract and starve your supple joints! That there should be small love amongst these sweet knaves, And all this courtesy! The strain of man's bred out Into baboon and monkey. ALCIBIADES. Sir, you have sav'd my longing, and I feed Most hungerly on your sight. TIMON. Right welcome, sir! Ere we depart we'll share a bounteous time In different pleasures. Pray you, let us in. Exeunt all but APEMANTUSEnter two LORDS
FIRST LORD. What time o' day is't, Apemantus? APEMANTUS. Time to be honest. FIRST LORD. That time serves still. APEMANTUS. The more accursed thou that still omit'st it. SECOND LORD. Thou art going to Lord Timon's feast. APEMANTUS. Ay; to see meat fill knaves and wine heat fools. SECOND LORD. Fare thee well, fare thee well. APEMANTUS. Thou art a fool to bid me farewell twice. SECOND LORD. Why, Apemantus? APEMANTUS. Shouldst have kept one to thyself, for I mean to give thee none. FIRST LORD. Hang thyself. APEMANTUS. No, I will do nothing at thy bidding; make thy requests to thy friend. SECOND LORD. Away, unpeaceable dog, or I'll spurn thee hence. APEMANTUS. I will fly, like a dog, the heels o' th' ass. Exit FIRST LORD. He's opposite to humanity. Come, shall we in And taste Lord Timon's bounty? He outgoes The very heart of kindness. SECOND LORD. He pours it out: Plutus, the god of gold, Is but his steward; no meed but he repays Sevenfold above itself; no gift to him But breeds the giver a return exceeding All use of quittance. FIRST LORD. The noblest mind he carries That ever govern'd man. SECOND LORD. Long may he live in fortunes! shall we in? FIRST LORD. I'll keep you company. Exeunt
