He put his hand under her chin,quietly turned her face up to the light and looked for an intent moment into her eyes.She looked up at him,her heart in her eyes,her lips quivering as she tried to speak.But she could marshal no words because she was trying to find in his face some answering emotions,some leaping light of hope,of joy.Surely he must know,now!But the smooth dark blankness which had baffled her so often was all that her frantic,searching eyes could find.He dropped her chin and,turning,walked back to his chair and sprawled tiredly again,his chin on his breast,his eyes looking up at her from under black brows in an impersonal speculative way.
She followed him back to his chair,her hands twisting,and stood before him.
“You are wrong,”she began again,finding words.“Rhett,tonight,when I knew,I ran every step of the way home to tell you.Oh,darling,I—”
“You are tired,”he said,still watching her.“You'd better go to bed.”
“But I must tell you!”
“Scarlett,”he said heavily,“I don't want to hear—anything.”
“But you don't know what I'm going to say!”
“My pet,it's written plainly on your face.Something,someone has made you realize that the unfortunate Mr.Wilkes is too large a mouthful of Dead Sea fruit for even you to chew.And that same something has suddenly set my charms before you in a new and attractive light,”he sighed slightly.“And it's no use to talk about it.”
She drew a sharp surprised breath.Of course,he had always read her easily.Heretofore she had resented it but now,after the first shock at her own transparency,her heart rose with gladness and relief.He knew,he understood and her task was miraculously made easy.No use to talk about it!Of course he was bitter at her long neglect,of course he was mistrustful of her sudden turnabout.She would have to woo him with kindness,convince him with a rich outpouring of love,and what a pleasure it would be to do it!
“Darling,I'm going to tell you everything,”she said,putting her hands on the arm of his chair and leaning down to him.“I've been so wrong,such a stupid fool—”
“Scarlett,don't go on with this.Don't be humble before me.I can't bear it.Leave us some dignity,some reticence to remember out of our marriage.Spare us this last.”
She straightened up abruptly.Spare us this last?What did he mean by “this last”?Last?This was their first,their beginning.
“But I will tell you,”she began rapidly,as if fearing his hand upon her mouth,silencing her.“Oh,Rhett,I love you so,darling!I must have loved you for years and I was such a fool I didn't know it.Rhett,you must believe me!”
He looked at her,standing before him,for a moment,a long look that went to the back of her mind.She saw there was belief in his eyes but little interest.Oh,was he going to be mean,at this of all times?To torment her,pay her back in her own coin?
“Oh,I believe you,”he said at last.“But what of Ashley Wilkes?”
“Ashley!”she said,and made an impatient gesture.“I—I don't believe I've cared anything about him for ages.It was—well,a sort of habit I hung onto from when I was a little girl.Rhett,I'd never even thought I cared about him if I'd ever known what he was really like.He's such a helpless,poor-spirited creature,for all his prattle about truth and honor and—”
“No,”said Rhett.“If you must see him as he really is,see him straight.He's only a gentleman caught in a world he doesn't belong in,trying to make a poor best of it by the rules of the world that's gone.”
“Oh,Rhett,don't let's talk of him!What does he matter now?Aren't you glad to know—I mean,now that I—”
As his tired eyes met hers,she broke off in embarrassment,shy as a girl with her first beau.If he'd only make it easier for her!If only he would hold out his arms,so she could crawl thankfully into his lap and lay her head on his chest.Her lips on his could tell him better than all her stumbling words.But as she looked at him,she realized that he was not holding her off just to be mean.He looked drained and as though nothing she had said was of any moment.
“Glad?”he said.“Once I would have thanked God,fasting,to hear you say all of this.But,now,it doesn't matter.”
“Doesn't matter?What are you talking about?Of course,it matters!Rhett,you do care,don't you?You must care.Melly said you did.”
“Well,she was right,as far as she knew.But,Scarlett,did it ever occur to you that even the most deathless love could wear out?”
She looked at him speechless,her mouth a round O.
“Mine wore out,”he went on,“against Ashley Wilkes and your insane obstinacy that makes you hold on like a bulldog to anything you think you want....Mine wore out.”
“But love can't wear out!”
“Yours for Ashley did.”
“But I never really loved Ashley!”
“Then,you certainly gave a good imitation of it—up till tonight.Scarlett,I'm not upbraiding you,accusing you,reproaching you.That time has passed.So spare me your defenses and your explanations.If you can manage to listen to me for a few minutes without interrupting,I can explain what I mean.Though,God knows,I see no need for explanations.The truth's so plain.”
She sat down,the harsh gas light falling on her white bewildered face.She looked into the eyes she knew so well—and knew so little—listened to his quiet voice saying words which at first meant nothing.This was the first time he had ever talked to her in this manner,as one human being to another,talked as other people talked,without flippancy,mockery or riddles.
“Did it ever occur to you that I loved you as much as a man can love a woman?Loved you for years before I finally got you?During the war I'd go away and try to forget you,but I couldn't and I always had to come back.After the war I risked arrest,just to come back and find you.I cared so much I believe I would have killed Frank Kennedy if he hadn't died when he did.I loved you but I couldn't let you know it.You're so brutal to those who love you,Scarlett.You take their love and hold it over their heads like a whip.”
