‘Indeed I could not.I was uncomfortable enough.I was very uncomfortable,I may say unhappy.And with no one to speak to of what I felt,no Jane to comfort me and say that I had not been so very weak and vain and nonsensical as I knew I had!Oh!how I wanted you!’
‘How unfortunate that you should have used such very strong expressions in speaking of Wickham to Mr Darcy,for now they do appear wholly undeserved.’
‘Certainly.But the misfortune of speaking with bitterness is a most natural consequence of the prejudices I had been encouraging.There is one point on which I want your advice.I want to be told whether I ought,or ought not,to make our acquaintance in general understand Wickham's character.’
Miss Bennet paused a little and then replied,‘Surely there can be no occasion for exposing him so dreadfully.What is your own opinion?’
‘That it ought not to be attempted.Mr Darcy has not authorized me to make his communication public.On the contrary,every particular relative to his sister was meant to be kept as much as possible to myself;and if I endeavour to undeceive people as to the rest of his conduct,who will believe me?The general prejudice against Mr Darcy is so violent,that it would be the death of half the good people in Meryton to attempt to place him in an amiable light.I am not equal to it.Wickham will soon be gone;and therefore it will not signify to any body here,what he really is.Sometime hence it will be all found out,and then we may laugh at their stupidity in not knowing it before.At present I will say nothing about it.’
‘You are quite right.To have his errors made public might ruin him for ever.He is now perhaps sorry for what he has done,and anxious to re establish a character.We must not make him desperate.’
The tumult of Elizabeth's mind was allayed by this conversation.She had got rid of two of the secrets which had weighed on her for a fortnight,and was certain of a willing listener in Jane,whenever she might wish to talk again of either.But there was still something lurking behind,of which prudence forbad the disclosure.She dared not relate the other half of Mr Darcy's letter,nor explain to her sister how sincerely she had been valued by his friend.Here was knowledge in which no one could partake;and she was sensible that nothing less than a perfect understanding between the parties could justify her in throwing off this last incumbrance of mystery.‘And then,’said she,‘if that very improbable event should ever take place,I shall merely be able to tell what Bingley may tell in a much more agreeable manner himself.The liberty of communication cannot be mine till it has lost all its value!’
She was now,on being settled at home,at leisure to observe the real state of her sister's spirits.Jane was not happy.She still cherished a very tender affection for Bingley.Having never even fancied herself in love before,her regard had all the warmth of first attachment,and,from her age and disposition,greater steadiness than first attachments often boast;and so fervently did she value his remembrance,and prefer him to every other man,that all her good sense,and all her attention to the feelings of her friends,were requisite to check the indulgence of those regrets which must have been injurious to her own health and their tranquillity.
‘Well,Lizzy,’said Mrs Bennet one day,‘what is your opinion now of this sad business of Jane's?For my part,I am determined never to speak of it again to any body.I told my sister Philips so the other day.But I cannot find out that Jane saw any thing of him in London.Well,he is a very undeserving young man-and I do not suppose there is the least chance in the world of her ever getting him now.There is no talk of his coming to Netherfield again in the summer;and I have inquired of every body,too,who is likely to know.’
‘I do not believe that he will ever live at Netherfield any more.’
‘Oh,well!it is just as he chuses.Nobody wants him to come.Though I shall always say that he used my daughter extremely ill;and if I was her,I would not have put up with it.Well,my comfort is,I am sure Jane will die of a broken heart,and then he will be sorry for what he has done.’
But as Elizabeth could not receive comfort from any such expectation,she made no answer.
‘Well,Lizzy,’continued her mother soon afterwards,‘and so the Collinses live very comfortable,do they?Well,well,I only hope it will last.And what sort of table do they keep?Charlotte is an excellent manager,I dare say.If she is half as sharp as her mother,she is saving enough.There is nothing extravagant in their housekeeping,I dare say.’
‘No,nothing at all.’
‘A great deal of good management,depend upon it.Yes,
yes.They will take care not to outrun their income.They will never be distressed for money.Well,much good may it do them!And so,I suppose,they often talk of having Longbourn when your father is dead.They look upon it quite as their own,I dare say,whenever that happens.’
‘It was a subject which they could not mention before me.’
‘No.It would have been strange if they had.But I make no doubt,they often talk of it between themselves.Well,if they can be easy with an estate that is not lawfully their own,so much the better.I should be ashamed of having one that was only entailed on me.’
Chapter 41
The first week of their return was soon gone.The second began.It was the last of the regiment's stay in Meryton,and all the young ladies in the neighbourhood were drooping apace.The dejection was almost universal.The elder Miss Bennets alone were still able to eat,drink,and sleep,and pursue the usual course of their employments.Very frequently were they reproached for this insensibility by Kitty and Lydia,whose own misery was extreme,and who could not comprehend such hard heartedness in any of the family.
‘Good heaven!What is to become of us!What are we to do!’would they often exclaim in the bitterness of woe.‘How can you be smiling so,Lizzy?’
